If you have read my blog anytime between 2011 and now, or if you know me in real life, you know that my George has been challenging. Early wake-ups in the infant/toddler years, very physically precocious, climbing and jumping and moving and going, going, going. All the time. He couldn't be reasoned with so it was a pretty exhausting time between ages 1-3.
I actually remember one time when he was maybe 1 or 2- I walked in the living room and he was laying over the arm of the couch. He was very still for several seconds. After maybe 5 seconds, I started to panic because I had never seen him so still and actually thought he was dead. No kidding. He was still for 5 seconds so I assumed he was dead. (Obviously, he was not. If I recall correctly, he was getting ill.)
And that is how it was. He could never get a hold of "gentle touches", try as we might to explain it to him. He was very loving and affectionate, but his hugs and kisses were always quite hard. Always moving, no understanding of personal space, very self-directed (Read: he wouldn't listen to anyone). I really thought it was a behavior issue. What was I doing wrong? Why wouldn't he listen to me? Why is he so rough, even in play? I kept thinking that certainly he would grow out of it. A phase.
About 2 years ago, shortly before DisneyWorld, I began to think it was something else than just preschool shenanigans. He seemed to truly "not get" some things. I kept telling people- he is my 5th, this isn't my first rodeo. I know what normal preschool behavior should look like. And over the last two years, that ill-defined "something isn't quite right" Mama feeling began to morph from feeling into realization.
There have been several moments that stick out, over the last year especially. A moment in Christmas Mass. I had made him wear "church shoes". At first he was just restless. Moving, shaking, bouncing. Jiggling and wiggling in Joe's arms. I remember looking at Joe holding him and thinking that this movement was something outside of his control. He seemed to feel compelled to move. About 2/3 of the way through Mass, he couldn't handle it anymore and he became unglued. He just couldn't handle the shoes anymore.
Incidents in school where he could no longer sit and would wander the room, wanting to make friends but not understanding why you couldn't get in their space, a morning this winter where I didn't lay his close out correctly and I had to carry him, hysterical, out to the car. Carry him into school. He cried the first couple hours. Because I didn't lay his socks out right.
It really all became unbearable this winter. He was having a hard time with his behavior at school. He was having a hard time at home. He was sad and angry most of the time. My enthusiastic boy was just so angry. We met with his teacher.We didn't know where to turn. I actually reached out to his former Parents As Teachers mentor who directed me to a play therapist in the area.
This is where we reached a turning point. The teacher was able to implement some changes at school, he was building a relationship with the therapist. Things got brighter. I was able to see my enthusiastic boy again sometimes. Not everything was a fight. His therapist suggested we get him evaluated for sensory issues at a place in the Springs. I had suspected he had sensory processing issues since we lived in Wisconsin but didn't know how to help him/ where to take him to get help for him.
His official diagnosis was Sensory Processing Difficulty. Sensory issues often accompany autism (which I honestly don't think he has), or ADHD (which I find more plausible) but occasionally, sensory issues stand alone. He will be meeting with an Occupational Therapist weekly for the next year. We are currently in the process of getting a plan together so that he will receive services at school as well, which will be amazing for him and much easier on his teacher.
Sensory issues come in several varieties. Sensory defensiveness, which means one or all of the senses is hyperreactive to stimuli. Or sensory offensiveness, which means that one or more senses is underreactive to stimuli. He has some sensory defensiveness (jeans. and apparently hard leather shoes. some types of noise.) but overwhelmingly, he really struggles with sensory seeking behavior because his brain doesn't respond to stimuli until there is a lot of it. He is tactile seeking, proprioceptive seekng, vestibular seeking. This also makes impulse control exceptionally challenging. Disclaimer: I am new to this, but this is how I have come to understand it.
A few things:
1) I am so happy. It is such a relief to finally be able to name it, to make a plan and to deal with it. Whatever difficulty he has had because of his sensory processing issues doesn't have to hold him back. We are finally on the path to help him feel right in his body- to help him in the way that will be most beneficial for him. To open him up to be the best George he can be instead of burdened by these unnamed things.
2) This is challenging. He looks "normal". People who don't know him, don't know us, will assume he is some wild hooligan with permissive parents. I know I can't change people's perception of him but it just hurts in advance that people will judge him before getting to know what an awesome, smart, perceptive, articulate person he is and how hard he has to try.
3) I wish I had known of these resources 2 years ago when I first suspected something was off. It really could have spared him some heartache.
I was reluctant to share this, for myriad reasons. But the reason I am is because a couple of years ago one of my friends shared on Facebook some of the things they were dealing with with their son. Sharing her experiences with her son prompted me to look more into George's behavior and gave me a jumping off point to get help for him. I am so grateful she shared.
My George is an amazing guy and even though this a is a path I did not anticipate, I can't wait to see how he grows.
