Birth

I have been giving some thought to how this new little one will be born. The stories of how my other children have been born are quite varied. A planned cesarean that I was scared of but ok with. A last minute planned cesarean that I was less ok with. A long, induced three weeks early, ultimately medicated, VBA2C. Home waterbirth.

And I wonder- how is this one supposed to go? If the baby ends up having an antigen, which statistically, it seems likely that he will, I will be birthing in the hospital again. And also, given the antigen, it is also likely that he (um, or she) might need to come out early. I chose to skip the induction and schedule a cesarean with Isaac because I wasn't comfortable with the risks of inducing a VBAC. With Liam, I choose to mitigate some of those risks by being induced without chemicals- just manual dilation with a foley catheter and nipple stimulation.

Holding Issy for the first time

With this one- who knows? If the baby is looking anemic (according to a test that isn't particularly accurate after 35 weeks, which is problematic), it'll be an early out. We discussed doing an amnio for lung maturity if we were in the situation that it looked like the baby might need to be born late preterm. He said that was possible- if the baby's lungs weren't mature, we might wait, weighing the risks of breathing issues on the outside versus blood issues on the inside.

Oddly, I am feeling very unattached to method of birth. As I said in my previous post, it seems too much to ask that the baby would have neither antigen and I would get to have another peaceful birth at home. And any scenario where the baby has an antigen would likely mean getting the baby out early, either because it was sick or because we were trying to prevent it from becoming sick.

Holding Isaac for the first time

Induction and repeat cesarean both have pros and cons. Induction pros- baby gets to experience labor, which is good for the lungs, which would definitely be a plus to a baby who was being evicted early. Easier recovery for me- dealing with the pain before the birth instead of after. Cons- higher risk of uterine rupture, failed induction necessitating a cesarean anyways.
Cesarean pros- quick(ish). Know what to expect. Lower risk of uterine rupture. Cons- c-section babies have a higher incidence of respiratory distress even in healthy infants; longer and more painful recovery for me.

Those are the practical considerations.

Holding Liam for the first time

But birth is about more than just practical considerations, for me, at least. I believe that birth has the power to be a transformative experience. I used to think that the transformative aspect was best achieved through natural childbirth. Then, when Adelle was born under the most ideal circumstances I could have imagined possible, I realized the transformation wasn't in the natural birth. Yes, it was a lovely birth and I wish that all of my births could have been/ would be that easy and peaceful. But the transformation was happening all along- with my c-sections, with my really long induction. It happens with every birth, if I am open to it.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared or that I didn't have preferences. But no matter how Poppy ends up getting here- it will be our journey. I'll surround myself with supportive people and make the best decisions possible for us.

Holding Adelle for the first time

Hello, baby.

Consultation with the perinatologist today. Overall, it went well. Got to see little Poppy, all black and white and shadowy. Reassuring, nonetheless. There is only one little person in there, thank goodness. Measuring a little bit big because that is how I grow 'em. (except for Delle. She is just my little peanut).

We talked about the what-ifs and the various scenarios. We are going to do the amnio in a couple of weeks to find out if Poppy has Kell, little c, both, neither. Although I feel like neither is too much to ask for at this point. There was also a little bright spot on the baby's heart that *can* be a marker for Down's so we decided to go ahead and do the chromosomal testing since they are going to be taking my amniotic fluid anyways. The dr. didn't seem alarmed and said that it is seen in normal babies without problems a portion of the time too. They can also take a closer look at it in a couple of months when the baby has a bigger heart.

Stupid anterior placenta. This means the doctor will have to go through the placenta to do the amnio, which has the chance of increasing sensitization if the baby has one/both of the antigens. Bleh. And babies like to face their placenta, or so I've read, which means a higher chance of a posterior baby. BTDT and no. thank. you. Oh, and that also means there is the possibility of it overlaying the cesarean scar and causing problems with detachment, although that isn't a given.

First impressions, I liked the doctor. He answered my gazillion questions, didn't talk down to me, and asked me several times if I had any more questions or anything else I wanted to discuss. Oh, and he didn't try to argue with me about due date, so that is an automatic pro ;)

We discussed care scenarios- monitoring, in utero transfusions, early delivery if necessary. All the sucky but necessary things to think about. I am kind of hoping for the best, but planning for the worst. I don't like to be blind-sided by things so I don't mind going through the various scenarios in my mind.

Honestly (and weirdly), I am feeling very at peace with the whole thing. We'll just take it one day at a time do what we need to do.

Thank you, Spring.

I am not a winter person. I had this (what should have been a somewhat obvious) revelation last week. Joe pointed out that I was happier and more productive on the nice, springy days we have been having. And looking back, yes, he is correct.

I love Spring. I love fresh air. I love being able to open the windows and feel the breeze blow through the house while I make it beautiful and clean. I love being able to take the kids places without having to bundle them up. Cool Spring evenings bring back memories of falling in Love with a young man who I realized would make a really awesome husband and father and who, for reasons that are sometimes beyond me, thought that I was pretty great, too.

Then comes summer. Summer is ok. Not as bad as winter, but it gets oppressively hot and humid here and it makes me not want to leave the house unless we are destined for some sort of body of water. Which makes my children happy. This will be the third summer in my life in which I will be largely pregnant and that is.... good times. Membership to the YMCA= lots of time at the pool this summer. Although I am not sure what swimsuit will fit over an 8 month pregnant belly?

Fall is pretty lovely though. Especially now that we have trees. Reprieve from the oppressive heat. Mild days where my babies can play outside before the long cold of winter. Piles of colorful leaves, nature walks, leaving acorns for our backyard squirrels to gather.

Winter. Oh, winter. I suppose without winter I would not appreciate spring as much, but man. I try to steel myself against it every year and yet every year, it gets me. January. And February. I think maybe I was meant to hibernate. Oddly, even though winter was really long in Idaho, I didn't mind it as much. At least the snow was pretty and I could go skiing. And the kids liked to play in the snow. It would have been perfect if the snow had finished melting by mid- March instead of the end of April :P

But here I am for now. So I will try to figure out a way to make this work. And I will be grateful for Spring.

It's a picture!

14wks 5d

Also: Adelle slept in her crib, straight through from 7:30 last night until 6:15 this morning. Miracle of miracles.

Not quite ready to break out the choir yet...

...but pretty close. A couple of posts down I mentioned Adelle was having some sleeping issues. She was sleeping pretty well through the summer and then Sept-Dec she got about a bazillion teeth at once and that went down the drain. She was waking up every 1 and a half to three hours and when I got pregnant, that just wasn't working anymore. Her teething was nearing an end, so we decided to nightwean her. This proved more difficult than I had anticipated. She was still waking up every 1 and a half to 3 hours, but now she wouldn't just nurse and go back to sleep.

So she began sleeping with us. And as I have mentioned before, I have a fickle relationship with co-sleeping I like the thought of it, but in reality, I am a pretty light sleeper and have a hard time falling back sleep. Her last two eye teeth came through a couple of weeks ago so we decided it was time to try something different. Up to this point, Issy had been sleeping in a twin, the boys in a queen and Adelle was starting out in the crib and then coming into our bed. So we bought another twin, the boys have their own beds now. We moved the queen into the girl's room. Adelle starts out in the crib and then moves to the queen with Issy. We figured either she would like sleeping with Issy or Joe and I could take turns sleeping on the queen with her.

She likes sleeping with Issy!

Last night was Night Four and so far, so good! Issy said she asked for her cup a couple of times but that they both went back to sleep quickly. And Issy loves sharing a bed with her- she keeps asking me if Adelle can start out in her bed. The three mornings prior she had woken up for a 5ish o'clock nursing, but this morning, it is almost seven and not a peep :) (Now, I, on the other hand, woke up at at five anticipating her and couldn't fall back asleep. Pavlov's dogs and all that :P)

So yes, I hope that we keep having continued success with this. This makes me feel much less anxious about having another baby. This is probably more information than you needed to know about our sleeping habits, but I am was too excited not to share :D

Happy birthday to my sweet little girl

8 years. Where has 8 years gone? When did she get to be such a big girl?

Thanks for the relatively easy introduction to motherhood, Sweet Pea.

It's a boy....

Well, maybe not. But I think it is.

We were thinking about waiting to find out. If the baby was Kell negative and I didn't have to have a gazillion ultrasounds, we were going to wait until he or she was born. Now I guess we will need the baby to be Kell *and* little C negative in order to have a low-risk pregnancy, so it seems less likely. I just don't think I could have weekly US and not find out.

But I am telling you now-it is a boy. I have "popped" even though I really haven't gained weight, no acne. I suppose we will see :)

Wow. Life is a wild ride.

Recent pic of Adelle- I was playing with Joe's camera

I am having a hard time starting this. Life has taken a very unexpected turn in the last couple of months. The holidays were good- for Christmas, we hosted Joe's family one day and my family the next. We spent NYE together as a family- went out to eat, had Family Movie Night and tucked the littles in bed well before midnight.

I made a rather ambitious plan at the beginning of January to get a bunch of my AAMI assignments done before the end of February. Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans...

On the 7th, I found out I was pregnant with our fifth baby. Wow. Five. I spent most of January and February feeling rather nauseated and exhausted (that first trimester fatigue is powerful stuff- I had remembered it intellectually, but it was even more compelling than I remembered) and trying to integrate the idea of another baby. I am sure it'll all work out, but most days I am not sure how.

The kids are extremely excited about the baby, whose womb name is "Poppy". I had my first doctor's appointment last week. Heartbeat in the 160s, my fundus is where it belongs. Weirdly, I have thought I felt the baby move a couple or three times in the last week, but it would be pretty early (I am twelve weeks).

Unfortunately, I got my bloodwork back yesterday and it appears that now we are not only dealing anti-kell but also anti- little c. I am still in the "self-pity, why me?" stage, so you'll have to excuse me. Why? Why do other women get to have low-risk, get pregnant, pop-em-out pregnancies and mine are such ordeals? Why doesn't my body like my husband's babies? It is just frustrating. I am sure there is some life lesson in here about learning to trust, surrender and blah blah blah. I am not there yet. I am still holding out for a false positive for the anti-little c. I go to the perinatologist on the 28th, so we'll see. Sigh.

Other than those life changing events, life is okay ;) Now that first- trimester haze is waning, we are getting back into more exciting school things (we were strictly reading, writing, arithmetic for a few weeks there- just the basics). Issy and Isaac are doing great- Issy is reading like a little maniac and I can hardly keep up with her! Isaac, too.

Liam has been, erm, challenging at times. Issy and Isaac went through a stage at around 4 1/2 too, so it wasn't entirely unexpected, but given his personality, his manifests a little different. Rage, specifically. Which I find a little hard to deal with at times. There are things that help, but I am hoping the whole thing just passes soon. He is such a sweet, enthusiastic little boy when he isn't being so defiant.

Oh, Adelle. She is amazing. She talks so much, I love it. She says, "Mama, I wud joo" when I put her to bed at night. She is also completely exhausting. We have been going through some sleep issues with her lately and it is driving me crazy. I despair that it won't get better before Poppy arrives, though I am sure it will.

So mostly the word that defines life now is "overwhelming". Sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a bad way, sometimes in a neutral way. At least life is never dull, right?