Expanding on yesterday's post

My friend Karen asked me to expand a little on what had been helpful from the book i had been reading, so i thought i would do that here. (I was going to do it in the comments section, Karen, but i think i was getting a little long-winded)

I'll start at the beginning. I have wanted to be a Mama for as long as i can remember. When Joe and i started dating, we talked romantically about the babies that we would have one day. And nine months after we got married, Isabelle was born. As an infant, she was super duper (and for those that didn't know her then, i mean realllllly) mellow. Then she became a toddler, then a preschooler. And all the while, she was getting more beautiful, more intelligent, and unforunately, sassier and more stubborn.

I'll admit, the stubbornness and the sassiness are a direct result of being born to me *looks sheepish* She is definitely her Mother's daughter. Because of this, we were often at odds. She would sass, i would sass back... you can imagine the cycle. But i just didn't know how to deal with her. She would be upset or frustrated or angry and instead of acknowledging her right to have those feelings and trying to deal with them appropriately, i would brush her off or get angry about it. There was a lot of yelling, a lot of taking away privledges and just power struggle after power struggle. Joe and i decided early on in our parenting that we wouldn't spank, because we felt it was counterproductive, it didn't seem terribly effective at long term behavioral changes, and well, it felt icky. But we hadn't really come up with a good solution to what we would be doing in regards to discipline.

And Isaac, well, Isaac has always been himself. He was really high-needs as a baby and he has always felt things very strongly. Huge meltdowns at seemingly small things. And it only infuriates him when you try to get him over it before he can process it.

The book i referenced in my previous post, has been extremely helpful in defusing situations that would have ended up in arguments before. It is just good for communication, whether parent/child, or with other adults. There are several components, but the most helpful for us has been acknowledging emotions. Example: Issy wants to stay outside and play with friends but it is almost time to put on jammies. I tell her this and she gets upset. Instead of just saying something dismissive (you can play tomorrow instead) or blowing her off (well, i'm the parent and i say it is time for pajamas) which tends to escalate, i acknowledge how she is feeling (you are feeling frustrated because it is time to come inside and you were having fun outside with your friends) and we go from there.

There are several directions you can take from there, but, this has truly been the most helpful with both kids. I was surprised, actually, how quickly and simply it worked. It felt really cheesy at first (from an adult perspective, it seemed like, duh, of course she feels frustrated) but it can be really beneficial to give children a way to identify and name their emotions. And, in doing this, you validate that it is a reasonable way to be feeling. From there we find a mutally workable solution. It gives alternatives to the threatening, the manipulating, the nagging and the yelling that seemed to be slowly dominating my parenting. I have found that as i become more flexible about the small things, they become more easily compliant. It has been a serious leap of faith. And our house has become more peaceful because of it.

The whole premise makes sense if you think about it. As an adult, i would hate it if i was feeling upset or frustrated about something and the person i was venting to blew me off or ignored how i was feeling. I know if i am upset and someone listens to me attentively, i feel better able to put my negative feelings to rest. Why should it be any different from a child's perspective?

An ending note. I am by far and away not a perfect parent. Most days it is a struggle to strive for adequacy in my parenting. When we dreamed of having babies, i didn't ever really think about much past that. I didn't ever imagine the problem solving and compromise that parenting a preschooler/child/teenager would involve. I don't put much stock in any one way of parenting, i am just trying to figure out what works best for us. And this finally feels like a good fit for our family and seems flexible to fit each individuals needs. I look at the huge variety of parenting techniques to be like a smorgasbord. Take what you want and leave the rest.

A random post

I wanted to blog, but didn't know exactly what to blog about. So, pull up your chairs (or couch or sitting/resting place of your choice) and i'll ramble about random things.

So Liam has finally started to talk. Thank goodness! He just turned 22 months and in the last week has decided to really start talking and using words to indicate things. Some fun "first" words: Grand Teton, Yellowstone, Isaac, Clementine (he likes to stand at the door with me and we take turns hollering for her.), why, i want up, nigh-night, and when he wants to nurse, he climbs on my lap, looks up at me with his hazely-blue eyes and says, "Boo, pwease". Sweet guy.

As i said, Liam just turned 22 months. Which is how old Isaac was when he was born. And i am amazed. Isaac seemed so old at 22 months and Li just seems like such a babe still. Oh, except for the adventurous climbing. In that respect, he is on par with about a 4 or 5 year old. He likes to climb on the lip of the drawers in the kitchen to get up on the cabinet. He has some amazing problem solving skills, seriously. This makes me very thankful that i don't have a newborn baby right now. Maybe in a couple of years, when i can figure out how to reign Liam in. If that is even possible. Or i could ship him off to live in Kansas with his Godparents (how does that sound, Mary?)

My other two are spending hours and hours a day outside, which makes both them and me very very happy. Joe and i have also been reading a good book called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk that had been recommended to me and i checked out at the Library. We have been putting some of the ideas into practice with the kids, and i have noticed an appreciable difference. There have been less power struggles, more cooperation, more peace and the kids seem happier. I have especially noticed a difference with Issy. She has been acting out negatively way less and has been really lovey with me. I am thankful to finally find something that seems like a good fit for both kids and parents.

Hmmm, what else? I am really looking forward to homeschooling. Prior to our decision, i had been feeling slightly ambivalent about the whole thing. I felt it was best, given our choices and yet, i also felt like life might be easier if i sent her to school. But once the decision was made, i felt really relieved and at peace about the situation. A kind of nerdy thought in my excitement about homeschooling is that i am really stoked about teaching the kids some hands-on science here. There is so much nature and diversity and interesting features of the Earth here. I look forward to throwing them in the car for a field trip to Yellowstone to study geysers in a couple of years or even going down to the Canyon by our house. I never really liked Science in school and i am hoping that this will really enrich their studies and make them fall in love with the Earth that God so beautifully created.

I should go now. Joe just bought me a little treat of Haagen-Dazs. Night all!

We went to Yellowstone this last weekend!

But my pictures are pretty boring. So check out Joe's blog

Baldie boys!

We decided to celebrate the beginning of summer by defurring the kids! The boys' hair was constantly looking messy and like they just rolled out of bed (for different reasons... Isaac's because it is curly and is only tidy if he has hair product in it and Liam's because it grows fast and is really fine and wispy) and it just bothered me one day too many. And i hate spending money to cut little boy's hair. So we got the clippers out this morning and they both got a buzzin' Too funny!

Hey all!

Just got back from Theology on Tap (which to the uninitiated, is gathering at a bar or restaurant for fellowship and featuring a speaker giving a talk on various things related to Catholicism) and it was nice to have an evening for chatting with new friends, discussing religion and getting to know young adults in the parish. I feel very grateful to be a part of this growing Catholic community here. A nice family in our parish has two boys that are getting older and outgrowing some of their toys and they gave us their old Little Tikes Log Cabin The kids are absolutely thrilled with their new toy and i am grateful that this family thought of us (we are pretty conspicuous with Liam. Apparently, he looks like he needs to run off some energy!) So we are really starting to settle in and become part of the parish family.

I can't describe how gorgeous it is here. After a few rainy (and some snow!) weeks, spring/summer has returned to the Valley. Part of the reason that i have a hard time describing the beauty is because it isn't just the way it looks. It is a full sensory experience. Most of all, I love the smell. Aside from little bitty baby head smell, the smell of the mountains and a forest of pine trees is my favorite smell in the whole world. Kind of damp and fresh and woodsy and ancient all at the same time. Usually accompanied by a cool/warm breeze, depending on if the sun is hiding behind a cloud. And when the wind blows, you see the pine trees that are 70 feet tall swaying the breeze and kind of creaking a little, but they have been there so long and seen so many breezes. And you feel kind of hugged by all the trees, lost in your little corner of the world.

I was thinking about my Mom the other day. She was a real mountain girl at heart. She loved visiting CO and i remember sitting in a mountain meadow with her when i was about 11, just soaking up the sun and the breeze and the mountain air. She would have really loved this place, although it would have been hard for her to see us move away. I miss her.

We feel like this....

That is all :D

Happy Anniversary!

So this morning, at 12:15 a.m. Joe came in our bedroom (he had been on the computer and i had been reading in our room) and did a rousing rendition of "The Happy Anniversary Song" complete with dance. It was spectacular! So here we are, 6 years, 3 babies and one 1,110 mile move later. Let's touch on the highlights, shall we?


In 2006 the long awaited Liam arrived. His birth took the better part of two days and we were awfully glad when he made his appearance!

In 2004, our little "Blue Light Special" Isaac was born. Him and his Daddy have always had a special relationship.
9 months after we got married, in 2003, we had an Issy and got to try our hand at parenting.
My hubby where he belongs: on top of a mountain.


And some pictures from the Honeymoon that started it all. Such younguns!

I am grateful that these six years have brought us to where we are now. Our love has only grown and gotten stronger over the last few years. What a blessing! Happy Anniversary, babe.

Trying to be patient

Of all virtues that come easily to me, patience isn't one of them.

The two things that i struggle with the most are laziness and lack of patience. Truth be told, i am terrible at self- discipline. I want what i want when i want it. There have been times when i have been nursing Liam to sleep in a dark room, knowing that if i try to leave too soon that he'll cry and we'll have to start over again but about to crawl out of my skin because i am so impatient with the whole process. It is a near constant internal struggle to do what i know needs to be done instead of just throwing in the towel.

I know that God has a great plan in store for our family. And i am really trying to be patient. I remember reading once that sometimes God's way of answering your prayers for patience is to give you more opportunities to exercise patience. Well, He has been working on refining me the last 6 years. And it is growing with increasing intensity. So He must think i am up to the challenge. And so i go on, knowing that the only thing that will bring peace to my heart is simply.... patience.

And we have a verdict...

So we finally decided that Issy is going to be homeschooled this fall. I am feeling good and nervous about this venture in our life, but it seems to make most sense. Joe and i decided we liked the curricula by Mother of Divine Grace School It is very structured, which i think will be good for both Issy and i as we get into this. Our life is lacking in any sort of order currently and it is driving me crazy. I am hoping the structure will cultivate good habits.

This is our test year. We shall see how we like the program and supplement/substitute as we see fit. The kind of beautiful thing about home education is that you can taylor it to suit your child's needs, which is ideal. I told her we would get her special notebooks and pencils just for "school" and this really excited her :) I feel very at peace with our decision.

On a side note: Prayers would be deeply appreciated. Joe has an interview for a graphic design position with a company in Jackson on Monday at 1 MST. Hopefully, this will be the one!

Bonus pics!

These are cute ones from a couple of weeks ago... don't know how they didn't make it in!

Isaac was holding my hand as we took a walk one afternoon. Liam saw him holding my hand and decided that he needed to hold Isaac's hand.
The little crazy daredevil

Mommy and kids time

So, Joe has been out of town the last few days, and the kids and i have had a lot of quality time together. On Friday, we went out to eat, because Mommy was feeling a little stir crazy. We were on our way there and we had a good Issyism...

Issy: Mommy, does anyone know where we are going?
Me: Well, yes, i do. Which is good, because i am driving the car.
Issy: Mama, you know everything. Well, not quite as much as Jesus and Santa.

Yesterday, we went to the canyon for a picnic (ham and cheese sandwiches always taste better at a picnic). Here are some photos:

Ok, it isn't a great picture, but i just have a question. I understand that my outfit isn't the height of coolness, but it is a good hiking outfit. As i was getting out of the car, a little girl in a car next to us (about 9 or 10) looked over at me and said, "You look like you are going to go scuba diving!" I was deeply perplexed. Is this a good scuba diving outfit? Am i missing something?

Ok, these last two make me smile! Look at Isaac's expression in each of them. He is such a crackup! And i love it when they hold hands.