Journal: Disney edition

Out my window: Dark. 14 degrees and snowy

Clothing myself in: Jeans and my new Mickey Mouse hoodie.  It's pink and retro and fun :)

Life with kids: Sooooo, starting in August? i think, Dad Marney hatched a plan bring all the kids, their spouses, and the grandkids to Disney World to surprise Mama Marney.  So we met up with them the first night and  it worked! I think she really couldn't believe all the grandkids were running up to hug her :)

We got to take the kids to the Magic Kingdom, Epcot, Hollywood Studios and Animal Kingdom.  I would like to say that George turned some sort of personality corner on this trip and behaved really excellently. But not really. He was very much himself- boisterous, exuberant, mischievous, opinionated, and intense.  He really loved the roller coasters.   From what I could tell, I think his favorite was Splash Mountain. He was very brave about trying new things and seemed enjoy most of it. He got to meet Lightening McQueen and Mater. I liked to look over at him when we were riding the big ones to see the glee on his face.

Adelle got to meet Elsa and Anna, do a Frozen sing along with them, and see them in the parade. She even had "Frozen" themed face paint during the parade and Elsa caught her eye, indicated to her face paint and gave her a thumbs up.  She was over the moon.  She was not without her meltdowns (getting a single stroller instead of a double was a grievous offense) but she bounced back just fine.

Liam got picked to be part the Monster's Inc Laugh Floor show.  He was hilarious! They couldn't have picked a better kid.  He loved Everest Expedition at Animal Kingdom and actually, he was really just quite taken with the Animal Kingdom as we suspected he would be.  He was very excited that he earned 15 of 31 badges for the Wilderness Explorers.

My Isabelle and Isaac didn't meet a roller coaster they didn't love. They take after their Grandma Sullivan that way.  I also got to take them to the pool at the resort a couple times which was a big hit.

Thinking about: After that very magical week, we resume life- packing! Finishing up the last few lessons.  We are almost there!

Pictures to share: They are just camera pics, but at least they are something.

 My girls on the Merry- Go- Round at the Magic Kingdom

 Issy, Isaac and Liam at the Swiss Family Robinson replica set.

 Adelle admiring her Elsa doll.

 Marneys and Littons at Epcot

 Epcot was a late night after a pretty tiring day. For the first time in memory, George gave up and went to sleep. It's one for the record books, folks.

 The Little Mermaid show we saw at Hollywood Studios. It was one of my favorites.

 Face paint!

 Very intent drawing while waiting for lunch.

 This was a highlight. But then he wanted to climb into Mater and I had to explain it didn't work like that.

 Adelle at the Frozen sing-along. Euphoria would be accurate.

 Matching shirts!

 We got to go on a Safari in Animal Kingdom. This guy started running in circles, it was pretty impressive. And it made me hope I am never chased by a rhino.

 Alligator. Or crocodile? Why can I never remember the difference? Crocodile, I think.

 Just a little fella.

He was big and handsome.

There are more, but I'll never finish this post if I don't just do it, so hopefully I'll upload more later.

12 years

I have been trying to write a post about my mother for months, because she's been on my mind, but I just couldn't. Because there is so much I want to say, but I don't know how to say it.

I miss her. But that statement is so inadequate, I hate to even put it down. The truth is, I have begun to forget. Not her- I think of her quite often. But I have all but forgotten, or at least I have a hard time imagining, what it was like when she was here. In the early years, I could imagine what it would have been like to have her at my wedding, to have her at the birth of my kids, how much she wouldn't have liked us moving to Idaho but would have loved the mountains there.

But it is fading. And I hate it. A lot of my memories of her are snippets of our last interactions. Joe and I had gotten engaged the night before she went in for surgery, the night before they discovered the cancer had spread and she was dying.

I think of Joe asking my parents for their blessing after the anesthesia had worn off and we had gone to her hospital room.

Once she was at home and receiving hospice care, playing her music that we wanted to have at our wedding. I remember her closing her eyes to listen to All the Heavens and Canon in D.

Talking to her about how she wanted to make it for our wedding in June. She acknowledged that it would be a "long, cold winter" before June.  It was a long, cold winter, though I had to do it without her.

She had wanted to see me in the wedding dress I had chosen. It was in Olathe though, and she wasn't strong enough for the trip up there so I bought it and they mailed it to me. It arrived on a Friday. She was falling asleep when I went to try it on and she woke up briefly enough to appreciate it. I remember her hands as she touched the fabric.

She didn't wake up much after that. She died on a Tuesday night.

Standing on the back porch shortly after she died, hugging Joe, looking at the sky, wondering where she was.

Going to bed that night, after they had taken her body away, sleeping with my sisters and Joe on the floor. Feeling so empty. Poured out. Wondering how it would ever be okay, let alone good again, without her there.

Those early months of grief hurt so bad. And I thought that the can-hardly-breathe moments would never end. But they did.

I suppose this fading, this moving into acceptance is preferable. But I feel like I left something when I was able to move on. The can-hardly-breathe grief seemed more appropriate. But who can live like forever?

Over the last year, several people- people from Church who knew her, my aunts, my friends who knew her- have told me that I look like her. I like that I look like her. I look in the mirror and see a bit of her. I look at my hands and think about her's. I used to look at her hands in Church on Sunday. Sometimes my children look at my hands in Church. It's a circle, I suppose.

I can only hope that I can be as kind and loving of a person as she was as well.

Heeelllo

Busy days around here.  My sister, my brother-in-law, their 4 sons, my Dad and their exchange student came to visit a couple of weeks ago. And then we went and visited Kansas for Easter. And then we came home and the kids got sick. And I had to like, try to recover from our trip with grumpy, sick kids. So yup, not much blogging time right this moment. But I found this adorable picture of my girl and her Grammie so I thought I would post it until I could do a proper update :)

Sad

Our Kolbe pup died on Saturday, so I am having a hard time thinking about much else right now.

I am not sure what I want to say, Joe already said it thoroughly and beautifully.

I will say this. I was not a dog person when we got him.  We had cats growing up, but whenever I would ask about a dog, my mother would say no. Which I get, because chewing things up! and fur! and dog breath! But Joe loved dogs and it was important to him, so Kolbe joined our family less than a month after we got married.

He worked his way into my heart. He wasn't perfect, but he was always loving. And loyal. And gentle and patient. And he made even this dog- dubious person love him.

I really miss him. I mean,I knew that this day would come eventually and that I would be very sad. But I didn't realize how much he was a part of our family.  I miss the way he would prance around in the evening after bedtime prayers, waiting to be fed. I miss the way he would sit in the middle of the narrow kitchen while I was trying to get dinner on the table, stubbornly making me step around him or ask him to move several times.

I miss the way he would be patiently waiting for me to open the girl's room at bedtime, ready to go sleep in there. The way he would lay his head on your lap to get you to pet him and if you ignored him, he would put a paw on your lap , because clearly, you didn't see him laying his head in your lap, or else you would have been petting him.

And about a gazillion other things.

So good-bye, my sweet pup. Thanks for teaching me how wonderful a dog can be.

Just because I love him

I occasionally talk about Joe- what he is doing around the house, my gratitude for him.  But today I want to take it a little bit deeper.

Since it is mostly family and friends that read my blog, you know our story- we met when we were 15, didn't talk for a while and then reconnected through mutual friends when we were 17.  Our friendship deepened but we were still just friends. Until God put it on his heart that we should be more, and he told me so. I was dubious- we were both about to go off to separate colleges and it just wasn't in my plan. I was going to go to Benedictine, do the college stuff, meet a guy my Senior year and then get married after I graduated.

But life rarely goes how we plan and I can pinpoint the exact moment when I knew that he was the one. I simply knew.  And I tried to skate around God's plan for a couple more weeks. Because even when you know, it also takes a decision.  I could have known and still chosen to do it "my way".  Ultimately, even though it seemed fast or even foolish and young from the outside, I said yes.

Best. Decision. Ever.

He is better for me than anyone I could have imagined in my "go off to college, meet a guy, fall in love, graduate and get married" scenario.  Growing up with him has made me a better person. By his example, I have learned to be less stubborn, let things go more easily and to say sorry.

He acts with integrity, he is kind, he is selfless.  So, so selfless.  He takes care of kiddos during pukey nights, rocks the baby for hours, and then gets up and goes to work for us. He works so hard- at his work, at making our home and our land beautiful.

He has held my hand during scary moments of pregnancy, during the tests.  He has talked me through cesareans, through childbirth when I just wanted to give up, to the other side, greeting our babies with joy.  He is the other person on Earth that loves these babies as much as I do.  He would do anything for them.

He is my friend. He gets me. He loves me, flaws and all.  We share a love of mountains, of forests, a love of wandering in the woods, not knowing what bit of beauty you might find next. We share faith. We may not have all the answers, but we have hope.

And so, on this random November day, I just wanted to say how much I Love him. How grateful I am that I said yes to God's plan for us, that late Spring day 12 1/2 years ago. My heart is bursting with love and gratitude for this person I get to spend my life with.  Sometimes you just have to share.

11 years

My mom and her twin Mary.

I lost my Mama 11 years ago today.

For some reason, in the last year, I have begun to feel the loss of my Mom more acutely again.  I mourn the adult relationship I could have had with her. The wisdom she could have imparted. The love she could have given.  My faith tells me that she is not gone, and can be a powerful intercessor for me.

But that doesn't mean I don't miss her hugs, the way she would give special little gifts or notes of encouragement at random, the way she would listen to me.  I saw one of my littles looking at my hands during Church one day and it reminded me of looking at hers when I was small.

I needed a copy of my birth certificate to get a new driver's license and when I saw her signature at the bottom, I had an unexpected burst of fresh mourning.  Her handwriting.  A few letters I have that she wrote to me in college are some of my most cherished possessions.  My memories. Some pictures.  These are the things that remain of the woman who carried me under her heart for 9 months, gave birth to me, held me when I was sad, prayed for me, hoped for me.

Wisconsin Dells with Grammie and Grandpa

 At the beginning of June, we had the opportunity to spend a day in Wisconsin Dells with Mom and Dad Marney.  We got to ride a little train:

Then we got to go on a boat ride on the Wisconsin River.

So worn out.

See?

Ten years together

Life has been busy the last couple of weeks- we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary last week, Joe's parents came to visit and we celebrated Adelle's 3rd birthday.

For our anniversary, I went through our ten years of photos and we compiled a slideshow. We shared it on facebook, but if you don't facebook you can see our slideshow here:

Anniversary Slideshow

It was a pretty great day, well the whole weekend really. I can't believe how blessed I have been in the last ten years and I am so grateful that I have Joe to do this life with.  He is my best friend.

Summer has gone well so far, though it really doesn't feel like summer yet. I am actually having a hard time believing we are halfway through June, since it isn't insanely hot (well, at least not consistently) yet.  We are keeping up with a slightly more relaxed school schedule, but definitely working on it. Between George's birth and moving we were behind, particularly with Isabelle. And I want the kids to be all up to par when they start school in September.  Issy's focus this summer is composition and editing and math facts mastery. Isaac's is handwriting and math facts mastery.

It is going to be so very odd to have the biggers gone during the day next year.  I guess I am still having a hard time wrapping my mind around that one a bit. I am really excited for them. And nervous. I hope that what I have taught them (both academically and lifewise) up to this point will be a good foundation. 

I still need to decide what I would like to work on with Liam and Adelle next year. Obviously, it will be pretty relaxed with Adelle, but she is plenty interested so I think she would like to get started on letters and numbers. Thinking about taking them down Elizabeth Foss' Alphabet Path.  Lots of storybooks. I need to get over myself and take them to the library. I am just a little weird about leaving the house, but I don't think I will be able to do that this winter and maintain my sanity.

OH! In the last week, Adelle has taken a real interest in potty training. Praise the Lord! I won't call it yet, but I am hopeful we have turned the corner. In addition to that, I am back to cloth diapering George, so that is good for the budget.  Just a few more dollars a month for our Finish the Basement/General Home Improvement fund :)

So that is our life update for now!

Hi :)

It's been a while, I know. Busy days here. Well, sometimes they are just lazy days, if I am being honest. But I was out of town for a week, which explains the bulk of my absence. Because this sweet girl got me a ticket to her graduation:

So I, perhaps insanely, decided to take the five little ones down to Kansas myself. Yes, I drove all of them. In one day.  It went relatively well, all things considered. Rule Number One of Parenting: go in with low expectations, then if things go smoothly you can just be pleasantly surprised.

He is her little buddy, after all.  She got to be there when he was born.

It was a great trip and I am really glad we got to go!

Visit from Mom

We had the opportunity to have Mom visit us this last week.  I didn't get to show her around as much as I would have liked, but it was wonderful to just have her be a part of our day to day life here. As crazy as that is sometimes.

 Evening on the back deck. Isaac's knee had a run in with the metal swingset pole. He is looking appropriately pathetic here.

 Yes, he is as ornery as he looks.

 We did get to take Grammie on a trip to the park.  Here, I was trying to take a picture of Liam playing with the digger. But, more appropriately perhaps, I got a picture of him running off to do something else.

 Grammie with the little chubby buddy.

 Adelle wanted to push the merry-go-round. This pleased her a lot. Isaac tried to help her and she shrieked, "NO ISAAC! IT'S MY TURN". And I do mean shrieked. Her personality is inversely proportional to her size.

 Poor Isaac. He did get a turn to push after this.

 Riding the merry-go-round.

Snuggle.

Today would have been my mother's 68th birthday. I miss her very, very much. Between her birthday and Mother's Day, I always think of her a lot this time of year.  But I am so grateful to have such a wonderful, caring mother-in-law who treats me like I am her own daughter :)

Easter at our house

 It was a little bright. Oh well, at least everyone was clean and respectable looking.

 Checking out Easter baskets after Church.

 Mmmm, candy. On of the two times a year that they get to eat candy in the morning.

 Easter egg hunt.  We had to put Clementine inside after she found one and tried to eat it.

 He got his eggs. Also, flip flops and a sweater- it could become the new style, right?

 Eggs, very exciting.

 I didn't mean to make this one so difficult. It just kinda worked out that way.

All the eggs were found, so into the house to make them into devilled eggs. Because, let's face it, they are better than regular hard-boiled eggs.