Journal: Refreshed

NB: Written on Monday, posted on Tuesday

Out my window: Mid 40s and sunny- supposed to get into the 60s today.  And apparently, the 80s tomorrow. I would prefer not to skip Spring but I suppose I can't really complain about warmth at this point. Maybe in July ;)

Clothing myself in: Cloud pajama pants, a blue striped shirt, red fleece socks and Joe's robe.  If I had curlers in my hair, I would be the picture of "Stereotypical Housewife".

Around the house: Our Mom's group at Church rented a beautiful house on a lake near here for the weekend for a small retreat/ getaway from Friday afternoon to Sunday. I came home to a picked up living room, bedroom, reading nook, the dishes were done and they had made me a beautiful Mother's Day gift. So I would say the house is pretty good :)

The toddler: He did so great for Joe while I was away.  He gave Joe some trouble one nap time, but other than that, he was a good, big boy.  He grows up so much every day.

I am happy that he still wanted to nurse when I came back. I always wanted to breastfeed our kids but I never thought I would do it much past a year. Even though toddler nursing is challenging at times (understatement) there are still so many good things about it that I wouldn't trade. It really is a whole different ballgame than infant nursing. It is an opportunity to teach him manners, to teach him healthy boundaries, to slow down that perpetual bundle of movement for a few moments, to get that nurturing contact.

Insert realtime break to nurse a cranky boy who then transformed into a happy boy.

See? Magical :)

The kiddos: Isabelle is growing so much.  She is really entering that time between kid and adolescent.  I am trying to help her navigate this as gracefully as possible.  I hope I am doing a good job.  When you are in the midst of infancy and toddlerhood, it seems like it could not possibly get harder.  And I wanted to cover my ears when wiser moms with older children said that the challenges would be just as challenging, just in a different way.  Soonish, she is going to start making decisions on her own; small at first, but bigger as time goes on. And then choices that will effect her whole adult life.  And I am just going to have to move from guiding her, to trusting her and praying for her.  The responsibility for having five immortal souls entrusted to our care is daunting sometimes.

Crafting: Not right now. A big, exciting idea will hopefully be unfolding in the near future.

In the kitchen: Grilled pork chops with roasted garlic Parmesan potatoes,  refried bean burritos, turkey chili.  We tried Mary's Chicken Curry Soup last week and it was deeeelicious.

Bringing me joy and thinking about: This weekend was amazing.  To preface: I have been pregnant or nursing or both for nearly 11 years. I don't want to make it sound like I don't get down time, because I do- Joe has always been great about encouraging me to take care of myself and supporting me and helping me with the kids whenever possible.  But sometimes, given the style of parenting we have chosen/ feel comfortable with, the down time must be taken in small chunks here and there.  I don't regret the way we parent or the amount of children we have, but it has been a lot of mother-intensive, very bodily-giving for the last ten years.  The last time I had a night away was when I served on a TEC retreat in July of 2006 when I was pregnant with Liam.

So when our Mom's group at church started discussing a getaway/retreat weekend, it sounded really really good.  I pretty quickly dismissed it because George is pretty used to me nursing him down for nap and nighttime and did I really want to mess with that? But I mentioned it to Joe anyways and he was very encouraging.    And over the last couple of months I wondered how it was going to go and did I really want to do this and would I be worried the whole time?  But every time I expressed doubts, Joe would reiterate that he could handle things. And when Isaac threw up a week before and I thought everyone would get sick, Joe told me that he didn't care how many kids were sick, even if he was sick, he still wanted me to go.

So on Friday, I packed my bags and was about to leave.  And about 20 different things were going through my head that I wanted to remind Joe of and micromanage. I only allowed myself to say two.  And you know what? They were fine. Isaac got a deer tick and Joe handled it. George was tricky in Mass and the other four were fine. They were all fed, dressed, had movie time, s'mores time, craft time- Dad style.  I need to let go more.  He is just as capable of a parent as I am. It is good to step away sometimes.

It was so nice. I ate food- I didn't have to hide it, I didn't have to cut anyone's food or dish anyone else up first, no one threw their cup at my head; I ate slowly, chewed my food and drank my coffee while it was still hot without having to microwave it.  I slept- I didn't have to haul myself out of bed at 4/5/6 in the morning, I didn't have to shove anyone over to get space and I didn't have to hear a fussy child yell my name.  I enjoyed the company of 7 great women- silly conversations, serious conversations, theological discussions, marriage and family discussions. Laughing, praying, relaxing.

By Sunday morning, I couldn't wait to see everyone.  As much as I loved the time away, it was so good to get home. The break gave me a chance to truly appreciate my children, my husband, our life.  I have never felt more grateful for Joe, I generally feel pretty grateful to him.  He is such an awesome Dad and husband and I will never know, in this life, why I am lucky enough that he wanted me to be his wife.

The rest of the day was pretty lovely. I feel really refreshed and ready to tackle the real life stuff again with a positive attitude.  What a great Mother's Day gift.