Gah! No more!

If breastfeeding icks you out or simply doesn't interest you, skip this post.

(And general disclaimer: My following feelings about breastfeeding are just that- my feelings. Your mileage may vary.)

Breastfeeding has been an important part of my mothering. It has been more than food delivery system- it is snuggling, it is bonding, it is physical sacrifice to further share my body after pregnancy is over. It is about a gazillion other things that are hard to articulate. Simply put, it helps me to be a more attentive, loving mother.

Oh, I mean, there are downsides. Issy and I had quite a rough start and I was quite sore on and off the first two and a half months. But we got through it and at some point I remember looking at her adoringly while I was nursing and thinking, "These are all those warm fuzzies that people talk about when they talk about nursing." Ahh, gotta love those good hormones. It was tough nursing Isaac through PPD, but I am so glad I did. It gave us a connection when that bond seemed tenuous. There were times in Liam's second year of life when the demands of breastfeeding seemed to outweigh the benefits, but then we got past the hump and it really eased his transition through moving and becoming a big brother and moving again.

Then this February happened. Apparently February of 2010 was destined to be one of those "valleys" in my breastfeeding journey with Adelle. I am sitting here with my fourth plugged duct since the beginning of the month. Two of which got infected, one of which required antibiotics. I am feeling very frustrated. It is really painful and time consuming.

I just don't know what I am doing wrong. Because while I have dealt with plugged ducts a few times between my other children and mastitis one other time, it has never been like this. I think it started because she had an ear infection and she wasn't nursing well on the one side. But then she was nursing fine the next week and it returned. And then the week after that I got one on the other side. And today I woke up and it was on the first side again and it is getting ridiculous.

The variables, oh the variables. I got my first one when her ear hurt. She is also teething? Does her ear still hurt? She just started solids, is her tummy bothering her? Is my bra ill fitting?

GAH!

This is just a valley. We will get through it and I will be looking at her adoringly and kissing her fuzzy head while she nurses and will be thankful that we persevered.

Right?