I have five small children. Or semi- small, at least; a nine, seven, five, and two-year-old and a seven-month-old. And this morning, I had an epiphany in the shower. I do my best thinking in the shower. I am alone-ish and it is mostly quiet (Delle often showers with me, but usually plays at my feet with her tea cups and a few little plastic dollies. I know where she is, it keeps her out of trouble, I can take my time. Win, win, win.)
Sorry, I digress. I realized that all this time, I have been judging whether my days were going well based on how cheerful the kids were, how compliant, whether they were bickering. And if they were crabby, defiant or antagonistic with each other, it could ruin my whole day. The baby was crabby and not napping? Bad day. The toddler whined about you putting the purple shoes on her instead of the black ones? Bad day. I had to tell the kids to use their indoor voices 7 or 8 times in a 30 minute time period? Bad day.
I have been approaching it all wrong. All wrong. They are kids. There are five of them. That seriously ups the chance that someone is going to be unpleasant about something at least a little bit every day.
Maybe this is simple and everyone else has figured it out already, but I realized that the only thing I can control is my reaction. Defiant children, whiny toddlers and non-napping babies don't automatically mean I am having a bad day. Challenging, perhaps, but not bad. I can still be cheerful in the face of whininess, I can still be patient with my non-napper, positive with my defiant ones.
I will not let my children's behavior dictate my own.
I am not saying I won't have bad days. They happen. But it feels freeing to know that I can turn our challenging days around. I am, after all, the mother :)
7 comments:
Thank you for a post that inspired me as well. Good thoughts, friend, good thoughts.
And the shower, yes. Although I typically shower with Gemma more nights a week than not, and she is a bit of a talker so not as much thinking goes on for me in there currently. But I hear ya!
Like like like!
Got any revelations on refocusing motherhood to Christ? ;-)
I need to try that show idea...last time I showered Julia got into the finger paint. Don't ask me how?!? Needless to say, 'bad day' and not the most winning shower. ;-)
Very good thoughts...no.....great thoughts....now...just putting it into action...
Good thoughts.
I've thought of this a lot too lately. Like Debi said, it's hard to put it into practice.
I think all days are 'good' but there can be a lot of bad/frustrating things that happen in them. Some days are just more challenging and exhausting than other days and the behavior of the kids does control this. But you are right, in the end, it's up to us if we let it get to us...or not.
Thanks for the reminder! You're a super mom.
This is a very good revelation. Unfortunately, I often feel my "good mood meter" having trouble staying in "happy/joyful" the more I hear crying/whining. I know my kids are going to cry and whine sometimes and often in reaction to what I am doing (such as wiping their noses - for some reason my 2-year-old HATES this - or changing their diapers) but it has to be done. Unfortunately, as I sit there thinking how much crying I have to listen to, I often get into a pity-party state. Woe is me for having to put up with THIS all day!! So I definitely hear you on judging your own day, based on your kiddos attitudes.
On the same lines, it kills me that the more I do nice things for them - go out of my way to plan something extra special, or give them a special treat - are they GRATEFUL!?!? Maybe they say thank you, I will give you that, but OFTEN they turn into little terrors, DEMANDING more!! It makes me want to be strict and "no fun" all the time, just so they behave better and don't whine! (Cause most of the time, "you get what you get and you don't throw a fit!" :))
P.S. I love that you do your best thinking in the shower. I think best during my work-out (which usually happens while EVERYONE else is sleeping).
Amen, amen, amen!!! I needed that reminder!
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