Ahhh, parenting

A recent discussion caused me to revisit a couple of my old posts:
A random post
Expanding on yesterday's post

It prompted further reflection on my parenting as of late, what is working, what isn't. This is a good thing. I think sometimes it is easy to get stuck in what was working, even though the kids have taken it to the next level. And boy, do they sometimes take it to the next level :p

I was recalling the book I mentioned in those posts (How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk) and thinking about how I would like to reread it and try to put into practice some of the techniques that were a little mature for Issy and Isaac (who were 5 and 3) at the time. Liam was only 1 at the time, so most of it wasn't really applicable to him. It is funny, I have tried to use some of the techniques with him that were most successful with Issy and Isaac (like saying, "you are feeling frustrated that we have to leave the park and you wanted to stay" while he is throwing a big, screaming fit) and they have fallen flat most of the time. Which reminds me (again! I should remember this!) that Liam is not Issy and he is not Isaac and therefore discipline strategies (or learning strategies or ways of loving him) must be tailored to fit Liam.

Every mother with more than one child (or even one that has been around another child than her own) knows that they all have their own personality. Even babies. But most parenting books tout their way as "The Way" to get your child to sleep, behave, grow up to be a productive citizen. It is an alluring promise isn't it? If you do X your child will do Y. But as most mothers also know, it is rarely as simple in reality as it is in a parenting book. Or you learn, like I did, that what might work with one child may need some tweaking to suit the needs of another one.

I think is is good thing to have a parenting philosophy or find something that resonates with you. Just remember you are not a slave to your parenting philosophy. It is there to help you to deal most effectively to your children. At some point I realized I am the expert on my children. I often lamented when baby Isaac was such a poor sleeper and I had read all the baby sleep books out there, "No one has written the Book of Isaac yet!" Well, I am. My children and I are the authors of their books (really, more them than me). Every day is a new page, every day I learn something about them and try to figure them out and guide them the best way possible. Almost every day they are changing the game, making me dig deeper in myself as a mother and in a relationship with them.

I'll never forget that first night with Isabelle. I was tired but I just could not sleep- kissing her little soft head, staring at her and just feeling so full of a love I didn't know existed before her. It made me remember my mother. It made her make sense. Things that she had said or did that I thought were unfair or restrictive or old-fashioned- came from a deep love and feeling of protectiveness. I hope my children can someday come to the same understanding of me.