Journal: Almost summer!

Out my window: 63 and overcast.  Supposed to be warm and rainy the next few days.  The mosquitoes came out last week.  We bought some yard repellent and sprayed our yard Saturday.  Normally, we are chemical free (cleaning products and such) but I don't particularly think it is healthy to be swarmed (no exaggeration) by mosquitoes every time you walk outside or have to wear super bug repellent on the skin.  So yeah, risks vs. benefits. But it took the mosquitoes from "Alfred Hitchcock Movie Level" to "Swat A Few Away Level", at least at midday. So we will just shower every night and that will be that. And hopefully, by the time we get back from Kansas, the worst will be over.

Clothing myself in: Black yoga pants, lavender shorted sleeved shirt, grey ankle socks.

Around the house: Well, Saturday afternoon we still had plague-like levels of mosquitoes so we stayed inside  and I swept and mopped the floors really well. Kids + Animals + Sandy Soil=  Perpetually messy floors.  I started switching out the girl's clothes.  I really need to help them clean their room and get all the winter stuff out of their drawers before we can go much further. And I need to put away the Easter decorations because now that Pentecost is over, I have officially run out of excuses.

We decided last week not to redo the floors in the kitchen right now.  Joe is going to end up being down in IL for several days for work while I am gone and it would really rush him.  It is perfectly workable right now and I would rather wait and just do it all at the same time.  It is better this way.

Our biggest new thing around the house is our new Australian Shepherd pup named Critter. Never a dull moment!

The toddler: Back to early wake-ups and toxic smelling poo :(  It was so much better at the end of April, then it was not as good but tolerable and now it is bad again.  It seems to be cyclical, which is maddening.  I am going to resume the food and poo diary, and I think we are going to go dairy-free after we are done traveling. If that doesn't help, I am going to take him back to the doctor. Frustrating.

Really cute though.  He speaks so well.  Some of his funnys: If you ask him to say sorry to someone, it doesn't matter who it is, he usually says, "Sorry, Delle".  When Joe turns on the mower, he screams "DADDY! MOWER!" over and over. Pretty much until Joe is done.  He loves loves loves his Daddy.

The kiddos: Three more days of school.  It will be so great to have all my littles home. Take some getting used to, of course, but pretty exciting.  They have all been a big help with the new doggie, especially in the potty training department.  It is nice to rotate the responsibility of taking him out to potty during the day. Such great kids.

Crafting: Big project still in the works :)

In the kitchen: Turkey chili tonight, Spaghetti tomorrow, refried bean burritos.

Bringing me joy: Mango scented candle, Issy offering to sweep and mop the dining room without me asking, how much joy the girls have when I get out the hand-me-downs, playing frisbee in the yard with the kids, planting wildflowers with the kids, seeing Clementine get to take on her new role as older, wiser dog, the look of joy on my husband's face when he cuddles the new doggie.

Thinking about: Especially after my weekend last week, I have been pondering my blessings.  My life isn't perfect- sometimes I get weighed down by kid misbehavior, money stress, misunderstandings, my lack of motivation and subsequent guilt, my short-temper.

But I have a beautiful, beautiful life. So many wonderful friends, a close-knit family, both my own little family and our families of origin. I have a beautiful house on beautiful (if not sometimes overly buggy ;) land. A husband who loves me, prickles and good things and all. And I think he is the bee's knees :)  So much to be thankful for.

Pictures to share:

Journal: Refreshed

NB: Written on Monday, posted on Tuesday

Out my window: Mid 40s and sunny- supposed to get into the 60s today.  And apparently, the 80s tomorrow. I would prefer not to skip Spring but I suppose I can't really complain about warmth at this point. Maybe in July ;)

Clothing myself in: Cloud pajama pants, a blue striped shirt, red fleece socks and Joe's robe.  If I had curlers in my hair, I would be the picture of "Stereotypical Housewife".

Around the house: Our Mom's group at Church rented a beautiful house on a lake near here for the weekend for a small retreat/ getaway from Friday afternoon to Sunday. I came home to a picked up living room, bedroom, reading nook, the dishes were done and they had made me a beautiful Mother's Day gift. So I would say the house is pretty good :)

The toddler: He did so great for Joe while I was away.  He gave Joe some trouble one nap time, but other than that, he was a good, big boy.  He grows up so much every day.

I am happy that he still wanted to nurse when I came back. I always wanted to breastfeed our kids but I never thought I would do it much past a year. Even though toddler nursing is challenging at times (understatement) there are still so many good things about it that I wouldn't trade. It really is a whole different ballgame than infant nursing. It is an opportunity to teach him manners, to teach him healthy boundaries, to slow down that perpetual bundle of movement for a few moments, to get that nurturing contact.

Insert realtime break to nurse a cranky boy who then transformed into a happy boy.

See? Magical :)

The kiddos: Isabelle is growing so much.  She is really entering that time between kid and adolescent.  I am trying to help her navigate this as gracefully as possible.  I hope I am doing a good job.  When you are in the midst of infancy and toddlerhood, it seems like it could not possibly get harder.  And I wanted to cover my ears when wiser moms with older children said that the challenges would be just as challenging, just in a different way.  Soonish, she is going to start making decisions on her own; small at first, but bigger as time goes on. And then choices that will effect her whole adult life.  And I am just going to have to move from guiding her, to trusting her and praying for her.  The responsibility for having five immortal souls entrusted to our care is daunting sometimes.

Crafting: Not right now. A big, exciting idea will hopefully be unfolding in the near future.

In the kitchen: Grilled pork chops with roasted garlic Parmesan potatoes,  refried bean burritos, turkey chili.  We tried Mary's Chicken Curry Soup last week and it was deeeelicious.

Bringing me joy and thinking about: This weekend was amazing.  To preface: I have been pregnant or nursing or both for nearly 11 years. I don't want to make it sound like I don't get down time, because I do- Joe has always been great about encouraging me to take care of myself and supporting me and helping me with the kids whenever possible.  But sometimes, given the style of parenting we have chosen/ feel comfortable with, the down time must be taken in small chunks here and there.  I don't regret the way we parent or the amount of children we have, but it has been a lot of mother-intensive, very bodily-giving for the last ten years.  The last time I had a night away was when I served on a TEC retreat in July of 2006 when I was pregnant with Liam.

So when our Mom's group at church started discussing a getaway/retreat weekend, it sounded really really good.  I pretty quickly dismissed it because George is pretty used to me nursing him down for nap and nighttime and did I really want to mess with that? But I mentioned it to Joe anyways and he was very encouraging.    And over the last couple of months I wondered how it was going to go and did I really want to do this and would I be worried the whole time?  But every time I expressed doubts, Joe would reiterate that he could handle things. And when Isaac threw up a week before and I thought everyone would get sick, Joe told me that he didn't care how many kids were sick, even if he was sick, he still wanted me to go.

So on Friday, I packed my bags and was about to leave.  And about 20 different things were going through my head that I wanted to remind Joe of and micromanage. I only allowed myself to say two.  And you know what? They were fine. Isaac got a deer tick and Joe handled it. George was tricky in Mass and the other four were fine. They were all fed, dressed, had movie time, s'mores time, craft time- Dad style.  I need to let go more.  He is just as capable of a parent as I am. It is good to step away sometimes.

It was so nice. I ate food- I didn't have to hide it, I didn't have to cut anyone's food or dish anyone else up first, no one threw their cup at my head; I ate slowly, chewed my food and drank my coffee while it was still hot without having to microwave it.  I slept- I didn't have to haul myself out of bed at 4/5/6 in the morning, I didn't have to shove anyone over to get space and I didn't have to hear a fussy child yell my name.  I enjoyed the company of 7 great women- silly conversations, serious conversations, theological discussions, marriage and family discussions. Laughing, praying, relaxing.

By Sunday morning, I couldn't wait to see everyone.  As much as I loved the time away, it was so good to get home. The break gave me a chance to truly appreciate my children, my husband, our life.  I have never felt more grateful for Joe, I generally feel pretty grateful to him.  He is such an awesome Dad and husband and I will never know, in this life, why I am lucky enough that he wanted me to be his wife.

The rest of the day was pretty lovely. I feel really refreshed and ready to tackle the real life stuff again with a positive attitude.  What a great Mother's Day gift.

Journal: Real Spring

NB: I started this on Monday. So much for efficient blogging.

Out my window: 52, overcast, but it is supposed to get into the mid-seventies today. Hooray! The last couple of weeks have been beautiful, except for some cold rain a couple of days last week. I know I am a weather whiner, but man, this was the longest winter ever.

Clothing myself in: Jeans, old teal Old Navy T-shirt and a tan cardigan.

Around the house: The Spring cleaning by room has been going well, but not quite at as quick of a pace as I would like.  Our room took about two weekends. The laundry room took several days but I worked on it during the week. It is awesome. Everything is easily accessible, easy to put back in the right place, not cluttered.  I still need to go through the old bills and file or destroy, but other than that, it is pretty great.

The toddler: We have been back and forth on the sleeping since last post. Which, I should be very grateful that there has been any "forth". I am still pretty stumped as to why. I started keeping a food and poo diary (gross, I know, but you do what you gotta do) and there were some things that seemed correlated. Cutting out peanut butter seemed to improve his sour poo issue almost all the way. Well, until this weekend. sigh.

And, perhaps by coincidence, or not, the four times I have skipped giving him a probiotic in yogurt, he has woken up at 4:15. Other than that, we have seen a the 4:00 hour a whole lot less, and even a few days in a row of after 6. I am still obsessing about the difference in those days because I WANT MORE OF THEM. If I could replicate those days precisely, including activity, clothes and food so that he would sleep better, I totally would.  I sometimes wonder if this is all making me a little bit on the crazy side.

The kiddos: Most exciting: Isaac's First Holy Communion was yesterday. It was a really beautiful, wonderful weekend.  Joe's parents were able to make it, the weather on Saturday and Sunday was fantastically gorgeous and my boy was happy. He looked so handsome. And grace. So much grace.

Two more weeks of school! So exciting :)

Crafting: Got my deadline project done. It was a scarf for our sweet babysitter/ housesitter who entered a convent on April 27th.  Plain black scarf. I am so glad we got a chance to meet her and have her get to know our family and to get to know her. She will be very much missed but I look forward to her prayers for us.

In the kitchen: Grilled bratwurst and pasta salad tonight. Homemade pizza tomorrow with turkey sausage, sauteed onion, sweet peppers and mushrooms. Yuuuum.

Bringing me joy: The sunshine on my face, warm breeze that smells like pine. Organized laundry room, Kolbe pup's memorial garden, kneeling next to my boy as he received his first Communion. Linens on the clothesline, and sleeping in them the first night.  Spending time with Joe's parents and seeing how much my children love them and they love the children.  I could go on.  Spring brings many things that bring me joy- it might have to be it's own post.

Picture to share: Sweet Celine came to have breakfast with us a few days before her entrance to the convent.  She is wearing the scarf I knit her :)

Issy's 10th birthday kinda late :)

She wanted to make her cake herself. From scratch. She wanted a Funfetti cake, so she made a white cake recipe and put confetti sprinkles in it. Mission accomplished.

Birthday presents from Grammie and Grandpa: An Easter dress and a bunny.  Adelle is pouty because she wanted a new Easter dress, too.  At breakfast that morning, Joe and I gave her a card with some of her very own money and I took her on a date to buy some clothes with it. The yellow shirt is actually one of the things she bought.

Blowing out her candles.  She made birthday crowns and hats for all of us to wear.

Cake.

I am seriously considering...

Doing a photo journal of a real day in the life of the Marneys. Sound interesting? Or about as boring as watching paint dry?

Random photo to share (cause I like posts with pictures):

Fat Cheese 

March of 2003

Journal: Tax day

Out my window: It was foggy when I got up this morning, but I think I see some actual blue in the sky currently and the sun trying to peak out. Supposed to get up to 50. Pllllleeease?

Clothing myself in: Grey paint shirt from yesterday and fleece Tinkerbell pants.

Around the house: We decided yesterday to do some "Spring" cleaning room by room on the weekends.  This week was our room. We went through our closet, organized, purged. We painted around the mirror and light fixture! I will have to take some pics- I really like how it turned out.  I am still working on the stuff that has accumulated on my dresser, but we are getting there.

The toddler: Words: friends, sorry, sing song. His sleep has taken a turn for the worse. I feel defeated- I can't even figure out how to fix the problem.  Except for taking him back to Grammie's house because he slept so much better there!  But he is super adorable right now, too. He has such a great smile. He is so exuberant and charming. I love him.

The kiddos: So many exciting things in the next couple of months.  Isaac's first Communion is in about 3 weeks, he is getting excited (in his understated, Isaac way :) ) The kids will get done with school in about 5 weeks, Kansas shortly after that.

A good Adelle story: Joe and I have been splitting Masses because George has been an uncontainable beast, to put it mildly. Noise and antics that an entire building cannot contain. Joe went Saturday with the girls and I took the Isaac and Liam yesterday morning. When I got home, Joe was telling me that George had a very stinky diaper while I was at Church and Adelle chimes in, "Daddy changed Georgie's diaper for you, Mama."  Apparently, diaper changing is my thing in Adelle's mind?

Crafting: Almost done with my deadline project :) Got my shrug back on the needles after George took it off :)

In the kitchen: Scraping things together with what is leftover and we will have a big shopping trip next week. The tuna burgers from last week were super duper tasty. I think my favorite way to eat tuna.

Bringing me joy: An organized closet, George's grin, the way my little boy looks so handsome in his first Communion suit, the Eucharist, the promise of a 50 degree day.

Thinking about: My mom. So much lately. Maybe I will share in another post soon.

Picture to share: Ah, not much to share this week. At least not that I have put on the computer. I have been having lots of fun on iPhone.

Journal: Quasi-Springtime!

Out my window: Well, this morning, iced covered trees. We had been getting a pretty significant amount of melt and warmer temps but then yesterday it got cold and rainy. And then overnight, some ice and snow. Stupid winter :P

Clothing myself in: Jeans, black T-shirt, and a fleece jacket that I got at Express when I was in high school. It is one of those articles of clothing with longevity.

Around the house: Lots of clean laundry that needs folded and put away. I still need to paint around the mirror and light for our master bedroom vanity (hanging head in shame for the ridiculous procrastinating.)

The toddler: Slight improvements in the sleep department, at least most days. Slightly longer naps. He still likes to get up in the five o'clock hour, but he got up at 6:15 last Saturday, which felt a bit like a miracle. Any improvement is fine with me.  Better sleep= mom enjoys him more, even when he is challenging. He is getting to be such a big boy.

I am going to be gone a couple of days and nights for a Mom's retreat next month and I am wondering how that will effect our nursing relationship. He is nightweaned, but he usually nurses a bit before nap and nighttime and sometimes in the morning and late afternoon.  He really likes Daddy, so I am not concerned about him being comforted. But we are at a pretty comfortable spot in our nursing relationship and honestly, I would be a little sad if he decided to give it up. We will see. I shouldn't borrow trouble.

Words: gate, friend, sorry, Barney (as in, purple dinosaur.) tummy, potty, inside, outside, hold hands.

The kiddos: Liam is at St. Francis today and tomorrow, giving it a try. Registration time is upon us and I wanted to have him spend some time there before making a decision.  I think Isabelle and Isaac were as excited for him as he was. I hope it is a good fit.  This leaves me with just the two small ones the next couple of days, which is... weird. In a good way.

Crafting: Shrug and other project. My other project has a deadline and I am about 3/4 of the way through.

In the kitchen: Hm, I am trying to remember. Tuna burgers, turkey chili, turkey and rice casserole. I need to do something with my 20 eggs that we hardboiled so we could dye them.  Egg salad? Deviled eggs?

Bringing me joy: Liam's excitement about going to school, Saturday afternoon naps, snuggles with my sick baby (the snuggle part, not the sick part), walking in the woods after the forever winter, sunshine/ friends/ family in Kansas, a smooth trip, a lovely Easter.

Thinking about: Working on getting healthy. I don't know exactly what is going on, but my body has felt bad, particularly the last year. I suppose it is likely a combination of things, not enough exercise, not enough good food/ too much bad food/ getting older.  It got worse when I started to have my cycles again this fall (oh, is that TMI? oh well...).  My particular complaint is that my joints hurt. I am 31, forgoodnesssake, that shouldn't happen.

I have been trying to keep track of what I eat (holy cow, picking off my kid's plates after they are done adds up!), good food for snacks is my particular hurdle. I tend to get hungry and then just shove whatever sugary thing is nearest into my month.  Exercise, yoga in particular because that seems to be helping with my flexibility and strength.  I just want to feel good in my body and be able to keep up with my kids.

Picture to share: She was trying to block the sun for a nap in the car on our drive to Kansas. So she shoved the bunny in her hoodie.

Heeelllo

Busy days around here.  My sister, my brother-in-law, their 4 sons, my Dad and their exchange student came to visit a couple of weeks ago. And then we went and visited Kansas for Easter. And then we came home and the kids got sick. And I had to like, try to recover from our trip with grumpy, sick kids. So yup, not much blogging time right this moment. But I found this adorable picture of my girl and her Grammie so I thought I would post it until I could do a proper update :)

*tap tap tap* "Is this thing still on?"

Since I have made my blog private, I am concerned that no one is reading any longer.  Because it is no longer public, it doesn't appear in feeds or updates and you have to be signed in when you come to the address. I have tried to figure out a way to make subscription by email available but have had no luck.

Stupid technology. Stupid internet.

Anyways, if you are still here, hi, and thanks for being patient with the changes.  I promise more cute kid updates. And maybe a bit of whining. And pictures.

Because I didn't do a journal this week, here is the truncated version:

Out my window: Dark. Since nightweaning, George has mostly started sleeping through the night, but still wants to wake up for the day in the five o'clock hour. Trying to figure out how to convince him not to do that.

If it was lighty, I would see that there is still a ton of snow on the ground.  I have officially given up on Spring.

The toddler: Words recently: sock, shoe, snow, cleanup, help!, hi, cuppy, meow, and a bunch other that  I can't recall right now.

The kiddos: Spring Break! Issy and Isaac just finished their third quarter. Only nine more weeks of school left.  Liam is going to be done with Mother of Divine Grace by mid- May. Joe and I have talked about sending Issy to Camp Totus Tuus this summer, which she is excited about. Her birthday was wonderful for her- will try to share pictures soon. Delle's days are full of dress up, playing with Liam (she particularly loves play dough), and she really loves to dance.  She is in a pretty easygoing stage (for a three-year-old) right now.

Bringing me joy: My sister, brother-in-law, four of their sons, my Dad and the exchange student are visiting this week, it has been really fun, if not a bit crazy :)  Issy's joy on her birthday, hanging out with Joe, Josh Groban's new album, the new Pope.

Thinking about: All I need to do to get ready for our trip to Kansas on Wednesday. I am so excited. Friends, family, getting to see grass again. So wonderful.

My sweet girl is 10

Would you like to see a march through the years?

4 years old

5 years old

6 years old

7 years old

8 years old

9 years old

And now she is 10 years old, yes, she is. I love to see how she has grown so much in the last 6 years, it is amazing.  I am so excited to see how she grows and changes in the next 6 years, too. Happy 10th birthday to my lovely girl.

Journal: Cabin fever and gratitude

Out my window: 30 and snowing, again. I had forgotten from living in Idaho how long this makes this part of the year feel. The anticipation of Spring. The snow is super beautiful this morning though, so at least there is that.

Clothing myself in: Black yoga pants, purple long sleeved T, pink Garden of the Gods hoodie.  Going to go upstairs to work out after this.

Around the house: The paint for around my vanity isn't here yet. Soon, I hope.

The toddler: The nightweaning part of nightweaning has been going just fine. He is doing great- sometimes I hear him wake up really briefly and then go back to sleep. Buuuut- he is still trying to push wake-up earlier and earlier into the 5 o'clock hour. Overall, I really can't complain. I went from having him wake up multiple times a night and insisting on getting up at 4:30 to sleeping through the night until 5:15 or 5:30.

Words: His favorite this week was "stop". Only long, drawn-out, usually screeched, and repeated multiple times until you stopped doing whatever the offending thing was. Which, at times, was just being present. Oh, toddlers. A few weeks ago he deemed his blanket "mee mee" and we hold it while he nurses (or I pin his arm down with it so he can't poke me/ pat me/ whack me/ wave his arm around).  He can also say poo poo, which I told him was a sign it was time to potty train. Heh, yeah right.

The kiddos: Issy's tenth birthday is Saturday. I can't believe she is going to be ten.  I talked with the school administrator about Liam spending a couple of days at the Academy after Easter break, just to see how it goes. I haven't told him yet, but he is going to be so. excited.

Crafting: Working on mystery project, my shrug is sitting on my shelf staring at me.

In the kitchen: We had white bean and sausage penne pasta last night, which is super tasty, although some of my kids don't like it very much.  On the menu we have black bean burritos, bean and cheese quinoa squares, turkey chili and turkey and rice casserole.

Bringing me joy: Even though I am totally ready for spring, the snow today is so beautiful- falling gently and silently, the way it stays on the branches of the trees, the moisture for my kind of sad looking pine trees. Listening to some of my favorite music from when I was younger. The Sacraments. Seeing how beautiful and grown up my Isabelle is getting. Tenderhearted Liam. How Isaac loves to help me in the kitchen. Adelle doing ballet. George understanding more- putting his cup next to his bed at nap and bedtime and getting his blanket so we can nurse.  A long and relaxing dinner date with Joe. Getting to go to a bridal shower for our babysitter who is entering the convent in April- seeing her joy and enthusiasm.

Thinking about: Divine Mercy. I have been reading Consoling the Heart of Jesus. Beautiful book.

Pictures to share: Snow day Scrabble last week.

March 9th, 2012

March 11th, 2013

It's a happy house-i-versary!

We moved into this house a year ago today. I love it.  It isn't perfect, but it is perfect for us.

Spring

Summer

Autumn

Winter

Journal: March= Spring. Let's get with the program

Out my window: 17 degrees and grey. It is supposed to snow tonight. Yeeeeah, it is March, so that is enough with the snow, mmmkay, Mother Nature?  My forecast tells me there will be several 40ish degree days in the forecast, which would be a-okay with me.

Clothing myself in: My mom's K-State sweatshirt. Blue and pink flannel pants with blue and brown argyle socks. Foooxy.

Around the house: Doors! Joe bought and put up the hallway doors for the basement storage room and utility room.  This makes Liam happy because there was plastic hanging in the doorways and he told me it freaked him out when he walked by. So, there you go, Liam.

We got a mirror and light for our master bedroom sink.  We needed to paint under where the old cabinet was because the mirror and light we got do not cover the whole area. But, for some reason, that can of paint had been stored in the garage. Not usable. So we had to order a couple small cans of that color from Home Depot. So yeah, I hope to get that done by next weekend.

The toddler: After much consideration, I nightweaned him this weekend and it actually went so much smoother than I could have hoped.  His sleeping is much, much improved.  I don't know if the nursing and rocking was just jazzing him up at night or what? At any rate, he slept from 7 last night until 4:52 this morning and then I went in his room, hugged him and laid him back down and told him, "It's still nigh night time" and he fell back asleep until 6:00. And then the last few mornings when he woke up for the day, he has given me a sweet, sloppy toddler kiss. Praying that this improvement lasts long term.

So many words! He likes to say, "where'd it go?" But his favorite is still "what's that?" So many "what's that?"s this week. He was also making a certain noise at dinner last night when he was chucking things off his tray and then he said, "I say... (insert the noise here)" I turned to Joe and asked him if he heard him too, and indeed, I wasn't hallucinating. Gracious, what a talker.

The kiddos:  Doing so well. We took them down to Wisconsin Dells Home Depot this last Saturday for their kid's workshop and they got to build a little car. So much fun. It was sunny yesterday and all the snow is cleared off the back deck so they ran around outside. They are all very excited about visiting Kansas friends at the end of the month.

Crafting: Plugging along on the shrug. Started knitting another something, but it is a gift so I am not at liberty to talk about it :) Still need to finish a couple baby gifts. Before they aren't babies anymore :P

In the kitchen: I seriously need a kitchen overhaul. Over the winter we have gotten lax about processed food, treats, not enough veggies.

Bringing me joy: Holding Joe's hand in the car, the kid's peacefully playing board games together, Adelle telling me about her dreams, George's sloppy morning kisses, sunshine, the kid's running around on the back deck together, 5 consecutive hours of sleep, pictures of my pregnant friends, and reading books.

Thinking about: My health. The last 10 1/2 years I have been focusing on nourishing babies with my body in one way or another. Sometimes (oh, let's be honest- oftentimes) with sub-optimal nutrition and inadequate rest and exercise.  And I think it is starting to catch up with me.  I am only 31 and my body is starting to feel bad.  I honestly have come to terms (um, mostly) with the fact that my body is never going to look like it did when I was 20. But I want my body to *feel* as good as it can. I want to be strong, I want to be able to keep up with my kids.

Oddly, I don't have a problem with a sensible eating and exercise when I am pregnant.  Because it seems so direct- I need to do this for the baby.  I have a harder time doing it just for me.

Picture to share: What is that fiery ball in the sky?! It hurts my eyes!

Cherishing the ones you love

The day that Kolbe died, I didn't pet him.  We were busy- I don't remember exactly with what now; I think I went to the store in the morning, we converted George's crib to a bed that afternoon and then went to a parish dinner in the evening.  I do remember sitting on the loveseat in the reading nook after I got home from the store and seeing him sitting next to the sandbox, rather gingerly, in the snow. The boys had gone into the woods, but he didn't seem to have the energy to follow them that day, so he sat in the snow, waiting for them.  He was sitting so still that I asked Joe if he thought Kolbe was ok.  A short time later, we saw him get up, so my worries were put to rest.  By the time he came inside with the boys I was on to another something to keep me busy, so I didn't really notice him again.  The last time I took note of him was when he was sitting in the snow, listening for our boys.

When I found him that evening, I immediately had a pang of guilt. When was the last time I had pet him? Talked to him? The night before? I had grown so used to having him around- to letting him out to potty, to getting him food and water, to him just being just part of life around here, that even though I cared for him, I didn't always notice him as a living, breathing part of our family.

In the nights that have followed, when my mind wonders to him and this fact, it has forced me to assess the rest of my family.  I care for them, certainly. I cook meals, I wash laundry, I clean house, I get snacks, I wipe tushies, I help with homework, I nurse, I clothe. But in all that caring, I often forget about the day to day noticing.  And even though my kids are young and Joe and I are certainly not old, none of us is guaranteed a tomorrow. Without being morbid, I forced myself to think of what it would be like if I lost one of them, with no notice. And how I would feel about my behavior towards them in those last days, weeks, months. I love them, I care for them but I would want them to know, without a doubt, that I cherish them. Truly.  Joe, Isabelle, Isaac, Liam, Adelle and George are the six greatest gifts that God has given me and nothing on Earth is more important.

I would like to say that my behavior since this revelation has been without reproach. But I am a work in progress.  I am still selfish, distracted and snappy at times. I am working on it.  Being distracted is what I view as one of my bigger obstacles.  I had actually decided to give up my Kindle for Lent even before all of this. It was too tempting- the internet with all of it's mindless distraction, just a few feet away at all times. It was almost always more exciting than just sitting and drinking coffee, or just doing homework or just playing cars.

I don't want my children or husband to think back on me, on our time together, to remember how I looked with my face glowing in the light of a screen. Mindless distraction isn't worth it.  I want them to know that I am all in- I love them, I seek to know them better, I care for them and that I cherish them.

Journal: The groundhog must've mistaken

Out my window: 30 degrees and grey.  It snowed another 5 inches last week, but it got up to 40 and was sunny yesterday so some of it melted.  Maybe more snow tomorrow night?  It was a super beautiful snow last week, so I can't complain too much. And it is better than being in Kansas currently.

Clothing myself in: Jeans, fair isle sweater, wool socks.

Around the house: Currently trying decide on a new mirror and light for our master bedroom.  Both the hallway bathroom and ours did have a large medicine cabinet with 3 mirrors that opened.  Well, Liam was trying to close the mirror in the hallway one day and there was something in the way and instead of moving it, he just kept pushing- and broke two of the mirrors. So we moved two from our bedroom into the hallway. And now we are going to replace it with a mirror and light. And maybe an inset cabinet on the side.

The toddler: Oh my. He is feeling better.  His mood has improved considerably. Buuuuut, his sleeping has been off the charts awful. Getting up 2 or 3 times and then awake for the day around 4:30.  Insanity. And his napping, with a couple of exceptions, has been abysmal, too. This too shall pass? Or is this the new normal?  I don't know. It sucks, but what can you do? I can't make him sleep, as much as I wish I could. I am also trying to figure out why, which is not revealing any obvious answers. He does have one incisor left to cut. He has been talking up a storm. And we switched him to a bed instead of a crib. I guess any one of those things could be causing it, but not sure.

He won the battle of the kitchen.  I tried to baby proof it, I did. But he was just too pesty. I couldn't make dinner without him messing with the stove knobs, I was afraid he would scale the stove and burn his hand, he would pull things off the cabinet, snatch stuff if people were coloring or eating at the table, steal stuff when I was trying to load the dishwasher. So we bought another gate and we gated off the reading nook/ kitchen/ dining area for now. I did the dishes the morning with minimal hassle (he stood at the gate for a bit and whined before going to play), I was able to let Adelle color without him taking and eating the crayons. It was  a good solution, at least for now.

Words this week: thank you, cookie, if you say "one" he will say "two, three". Stand up. Hey, what's that? Georgie, boot, hat. It has been a crazy talking week around here.

Crafting: I am knitting myself a green shrug out of Blue Sky Alpacas worsted cotton in Pickle. I found a pattern on Ravelry that I liked, but didn't want to buy it and it seemed simple enough, so I am winging it. We will see how it goes.  Want to wear it for Easter if it turns out ok.

In the kitchen: Stew, chili and grilled cheese with tomato soup for Friday.

Bringing me joy: I might have mentioned it before, but I love it when George falls asleep on Joe in Church. Nothing cuter than seeing my sweet hubby holding my sleeping toddler. A clean kitchen. Standing on the back deck in a sweater and jeans, feeling the warm sun on my face. Quiet Sunday afternoon.

Thinking about: How happy I am it is almost March.

Pictures to share: Shoveling on Saturday morning.

Journal: Spring, please

Out my window: 24 and cloudy-ish. I think it is supposed to snow some today and be cold this week.  At the end of my 10 day forecast, however, are a couple of 41 degree days. Yes, I am ready for that.

I also noticed this weekend that it has been not getting dark as early in the evening, and is lightier in the morning.  I am sure this has been gradual, but I just noticed all of a sudden.  A sure sign that Spring is just around the corner.

Clothing myself in: Black yoga pants, red hoodie sweatshirt, blue and brown argyle socks.

Around the house: Joe sanded the drywall a bit this weekend.

The toddler: Oh, bless his little heart.  His cold and cough turned into a rather nasty sinus infection and I ended up taking him to the doctor on Friday after a really terrible, no-good, sleepless night the night before.  He is slowly improving, though he is still pretty crabby.  Basically, if I am playing with him, he is whiny and wants to fling himself all over me. Not snuggle, just whine and throw himself in my direction.  Or if I am not "playing" with him, he is getting into All The Things. I am just praying that as he continues to feel better I will get my happy (if not ornery) little Critter back.

The kiddos: Liam's handwriting book has a page where you print, "Love God, Hate Sin".  In our house, hate is a non-polite word and so whenever the kids come across it, they always seem a little alarmed. As Liam was doing his handwriting that day he said, "Can I say that word?" and I told him as long as he was talking about sin, in this instance, sure, it was fine.  Well, apparently he went with with because we were driving to the doctor the other day and he said, "Isaac and I were saying all the bad words we could think of about sin." My response was a neutral, "Oh, really?" and he said, "Yeah.  Like: Hate sin. Or freakin' sin. Or stupid sin. Or dumb sin."  I love my boys.

Crafting: Nope

In the kitchen: Joe is going to fry catfish on Friday. I am excited- he is a good cook.

Bringing me joy: Standing in the kitchen with Joe, laughing about something I don't remember but being struck (again) by how much joy our friendship brings me- I love the way he makes me laugh.  George hugging me around the neck as I walk him back to bed after a night nursing; the other day when he finished nursing how he pulled away and made the sound that we make before we kiss, so I kissed him. And then he growled and laughed at me.  My Issy snuggles, seeing Isaac's joy at getting to go to confession, Liam telling me he has part human heart, part animal heart and that is why he loves animals so much. Adelle whispering in my ear that when she grows up she is going to stay with me forever and that when she is big her tooth will "liggle" (wiggle) and fall out.

Thinking about: Grace.

Pictures to share: My big kids

Journal: Valentine's Day

Out my window: 32 and snowing lightly. It got up into the high 30's yesterday- 38, I think. Felt downright balmy. Weird.

Clothing myself in: Pretty cowl neck pink long sleeved knit shirt, my nice jeans. Grey socks with pink and white snowflakes. I wanted to be fancy for Valentine's Day

Around the house: All adult laundry is done and ready to be put away. Gonna do that today. I really mean it.

The toddler: Sick again :( In this round of passing things back and forth, he got a fever and cough. He was so warm last night, I was worried.  He is still plenty ornery, though, even illness doesn't slow him down much. If he isn't better by tomorrow, I might take him to the doctor. Gah, I hate the whole "should I take the child to the doctor" dilemma. If there isn't anything they can do anyway, I prefer to let it pass on it's own and not risk giving him (and the siblings that have to go along) something worse that they pick up at the doctor's office.  On the other hand, I always worry that I will miss something really bad. I had no idea that motherhood would be so anxiety-inducing.

In other news, he climbed out of his crib on Friday night. So we converted his crib to his toddler bed on Saturday.  It has actually been going pretty well. We are back to nursing him or rocking him until he is drowsy and then laying him down, which is fine. Sniff- big boy.

Some words this week- around, around (when him and Adelle run in circle together), what's that,  and stop (said very emphatically when a sibling does something he doesn't like).

The kiddos: Isaac made his First Reconciliation on Sunday. Beforehand, he told me that his soul was excited to be clean :)

They are all adjusting to Kolbe being gone. Liam is very expressive about it and the others are a little more quiet.

Crafting: Nope

The kitchen: Tried my hand at some homemade cream of mushroom soup yesterday and I thought it was good.  I think I will try to make and a freeze a few batches- it was so easy.  Made the Butternut squash and sausage dish and it was delicious. I used bowtie pasta and turkey sausage instead, with no complaints. Cataloging my meatless dishes for Lent.

Bringing me joy: Well, there has been much sorrow since Kolbe passed,but it is important to find joy even in sorrow so: I am so glad that he died in what appeared to be a peaceful way, in his safe place; for the chance to console our children and the way that they console each other; and for the way that my boys helped Joe outside on Sunday.

Joy for the grace of Reconciliation. Joy for a good start to Lent.

Thinking about: Lent. I gave up my Kindle Fire. I think this will be good- difficult, but fruitful. I am looking forward to this Lent.

Picture to share:

Sad

Our Kolbe pup died on Saturday, so I am having a hard time thinking about much else right now.

I am not sure what I want to say, Joe already said it thoroughly and beautifully.

I will say this. I was not a dog person when we got him.  We had cats growing up, but whenever I would ask about a dog, my mother would say no. Which I get, because chewing things up! and fur! and dog breath! But Joe loved dogs and it was important to him, so Kolbe joined our family less than a month after we got married.

He worked his way into my heart. He wasn't perfect, but he was always loving. And loyal. And gentle and patient. And he made even this dog- dubious person love him.

I really miss him. I mean,I knew that this day would come eventually and that I would be very sad. But I didn't realize how much he was a part of our family.  I miss the way he would prance around in the evening after bedtime prayers, waiting to be fed. I miss the way he would sit in the middle of the narrow kitchen while I was trying to get dinner on the table, stubbornly making me step around him or ask him to move several times.

I miss the way he would be patiently waiting for me to open the girl's room at bedtime, ready to go sleep in there. The way he would lay his head on your lap to get you to pet him and if you ignored him, he would put a paw on your lap , because clearly, you didn't see him laying his head in your lap, or else you would have been petting him.

And about a gazillion other things.

So good-bye, my sweet pup. Thanks for teaching me how wonderful a dog can be.

Journal: Alive, if not entirely awake

Out my window: 8 degrees and sunny.  It snowed a lot on Wednesday last week (8? inches) and has snowed 1 or 2 inches a couple of other times since then. Yaaay!  It is lovely, I am glad it finally is wintery.  If it is going to be cold at least it should be snowy and pretty.

Clothing myself in: Grey long sleeved t-shirt, Fair Isle sweater over it.  Green cargo pants.

Around the house: Joe worked on mudding this weekend. Sanding soon!

The toddler: Up since a little before 5 this morning. And that was after an 11, 1 and 2:30 wake-up.  Teeeeth.

The kiddos: Delle had the fever, then Liam.  Luckily, no other accompanying symptoms.  Issy and Isaac had good report cards and conferences.  Trying to decide what we will do with Liam next year for school.

Crafting: Started a baby hat.  Need to finish it before she outgrows it or it gets to be Spring :P  Got out the fabric for a baby blanket.

In the kitchen: Slim pickins.  Store this week. Trying to come up with a brilliant menu that is healthy/easy/child friendly/inexpensive.  Yeeeeeah.

Bringing me joy: George giving Joe kisses in Church, Mom's group, somewhat spontaneous date night with Joe, holding Isaac's hand as we talk about his day at school, Issy cuddled up next to me watching football, hanging out with my boys, Issy and Adelle's excitement about going to the Daddy/Daughter dance with Joe.

Thinking about: Lent.  I tend to make grand plans, start off fine and then really just peter out.  I need to find something doable, but you know, a sacrifice.

Picture to share: Play dough. Hours of entertainment.

Journal: Goodbye January!

Out my window: Some fresh snow fell yesterday, but it is already at freezing and supposed to get up to 41 today, so I suppose some of it will melt. It was beautiful, though.

Clothing myself in: Brown Jackson Hole long sleeved T-shirt, tan sweater, tan trouser pants. Wool socks- my feet are cold!

Around the house: Well, Joe was sick several days last week and then busy trying to catch up on some work over the weekend, so not much forward progress, but he write a post and includes an up-to-date picture of the basement on his blog a few days ago.

The toddler: Random high fever a couple of days last week, not that you would be able to tell.  Current pesty thing he likes to do: open drawers that are above his head, hang on the drawer with one hand and pull things out of it with the other. Like my garlic press, or cheese slicer (!) or pizza cutter (!!). Oh, this child. Current really cute thing: he likes to try to jump up and down like the big kids, only it ends up being more like a stationary gallop. Cuuuute.

The kiddos: It is Catholic School's Week, so my big ones were excited about that.  Today was mix and match dress day/ wear your clothes backwards day. Coming up- pajama day, superhero or princess day, wacky hat day. Oh, and they also get report cards this week. Isaac had a little something last week, but he seems better now.

Crafting: I have a couple of people I need to make baby gifts for. Soon.

In the kitchen: Black bean burritos, pork and sweet potato stew, egg casserole. Going to bake brownies today so we can have a (slightly belated) Anniversary of Joe Accepting His Job party.

Bringing me joy: Joe feeling better, going bowling with some friends, the older three getting excited about making 100 Lego guys, Adelle's robot dance, giving George nomming kisses and having him squeal in happiness.

Thinking about: Confession: I still wildly miss Idaho. I miss mountains, I miss lots of snow, I miss our little Church there, I miss the yarn store, I miss mild summers, mountain streams, visits to Yellowstone, the non-plague level of bugs. Then I have guilt for missing it because I really love it here and I know this is where we are supposed to be right now. I love our parish, our new friends, our house, our woods, the fact that it is just a day's drive from Kansas. I need to accept the missing for what it is.

Picture to share: This fella gave us a scare on Saturday,. He was limping on his back paw and when we laid him down to look at it he was all shakey. We were concerned it was something serious- he is a pretty old doggie.  Took him to the vet and it was just a sprained paw- he is fine now :)  Silly boy.