Journal: Never a dull moment

Out my window: 54 and rainy.  It's supposed to be beautiful the rest of the week.

Clothing myself in: Purple shirt, black cardigan. Exercise pants and slippers.  Only the bottom part of my outfit got changed after work. I look a little silly but I don't really mind.

Around the house: I started working on decluttering and organizing the laundry room on Saturday. It is a huge project, because often things get dumped there when they don't have/don't make it to the proper spot.  And our arts and crafts things are in the cabinets there.  For some reason, despite my reminders, the kids often don't put the crafty stuff back where it belongs. I bought some plastic tubs, so I am hoping that will help the organization. Or at least contain the mess :P

I also decluttered and cleaned out the coat closet in our front entryway.  Put away all the winter stuff. The laundry room still needs to be finished but I finished the coat closet and it looks magnificent.  Slowly but surely.

Joe painted the front porch with this textured paint stuff that we bought last fall. We were going to use it on the back deck until we realized how much more we would have to buy. But it really spruced up the front porch, so I am glad we were able to put it to good use.

Toddler: Beautiful. Overwhelming. Charming. He has been sleeping betterish for him.

Kiddos: Went on a school field trip last Friday and had a lot of fun.  Isaac got to sleepover with his buddy on Friday. When I asked him what they did he said they chopped up a lot of trees with hatchets, lol.  Tomorrow is the last full day of school and half day on Wednesday. Then they will be done at the Academy, which is sad. But other doors are opening for us that wouldn't have otherwise, so we trust that God can make good come out of this sad situation.

In the kitchen: Hmmmm, I can't remember.  I even discussed the menu with Joe the other night and I still can't remember.  He is going to be out of town from tomorrow- Friday, so we planned easy stuff.

Crafting:

Bringing me joy: Sweet peaceful George snuggles.  Looking around our house and seeing less stuff that I have to deal with. Walking with Issy on a beautiful afternoon, holding her hand. I am glad she will still hold my hand.  Isaac's joy at his sleepover. Liam's deep sincerity when he tells me he loves me. Delle squealing about how she wants real pixie dust for her birthday so that she can fly to Grammie and Grandpa's house.  George behaving well enough to keep him in Mass the whole time. Planning for our upcoming visit with Mom and Dad Marney. My new sweet baby niece Eleanor.

Thinking about: How full our summer is and it hasn't even started. One day at a time.

Pictures to share:

 Cousins!

My sweet Erika. 

Journal: Time is flying by!

Out my window: Dark and upper forties. It still is fairly cool, though we have had a couple 70+ degree days.

Clothing myself in: Purple tank top and black cardigan sweater. Skinny jeans.

Around the house: Whew. Reorganized and purged our closest, put a twin bed in George's room. Decluttered the countertop in the laundry room, which might as well have been climbing Mount Everest. I still need to purge and reorganize the art supplies in the laundry room cabinets. That's next. Still need to switch out George's summer clothes- it has been cool enough that he wears jeans most days anyways.

Toddler: Sigh. We had had a really good run with better sleep before we went to Kansas but it's been touch and go since we got back. His bad BMs are back, too which is leaving me to analyze his diet again. Gah, why isn't parenting easy? He is completely exasperating and strong-willed in one breath and so charming the next.

Kiddos: 6 days of school left. They had their last school program on Friday and it was beautiful and sad. I am so glad that we were able to be part of that community for a couple of years, it's been so good for them.

After much deliberation, it was decided that I would stay home and homeschool this fall. I am finishing up at my work and training my replacement over the summer. I am very sad to be leaving my work- it's been such a good experience. But I kept trying to wrap my head around sending the kids to a school I didn't feel comfortable but I felt no peace. But the decision to homeschool them immediately gave my the peace I had been praying for, even though it requires some sacrifices.

We are doing a public charter school that primarily uses Calvert curriculum  Since this is our first time doing a virtual charter school, I am interested in seeing how it works for us.  Isaac is excited about homeschooling. Issy and Liam are more neutral about it- they say they are happy, but they will miss seeing their friends everyday. It will take some adjustment for everyone again, for sure.

In the kitchen: I don't even remember. Joe made the menu and did the grocery shopping.

Crafting: Hahaha. No.

Bringing me joy: Blue sky. Fire pit nights with Joe, George's reaction to seeing his big Lightening McQueen bed and sheets, the way George calls thunder "bunder". The way he says "He's a good worker" with deep admiration when someone is working hard, seeing Isabelle growing into such a complex young lady, listening to Jars of Clay really loud on the way to work.

Thinking about: Life has been crazy lately. Mostly good crazy. I got a job waitressing since I'll be leaving Catholic Word soon. I work three evenings a week. It is exhausting but worth it. Hoping the craziness and the sacrifices now are going to pay off.

Pictures to share: Some Marney family fun in Kansas

Journal: Easter

Out my window: Sunny, low fifties. Felt like Spring today.

Around the house: Trying to recover the house from the surprise Easter trip to Kansas. I managed to bring alllll of the things back inside the house when we got home Monday evening, but didn't get it all put away right away. Today it was super beautiful outside, so we worked on several projects out there- finished building up the front rock bed, picked up all the trash that got strewn about the yard during the winter, picked up the gazillion pinecones that our trees had dropped. We were very, very productive.

Tomorrow is supposed to be rainy, so we are going to try to work on the inside.

Clothing myself in: work clothes. Jeans, my old Merrill hiking shoes, red hoodie.

Toddler: Other than being exceptionally obstinate ever since he woke up this morning, he's been pretty great.  He was fairly good on our car trip down to Kansas, he's been sleeping good for him, he is funny and cute. He was singing "Let it Go" from Frozen in the car the other morning. He will let a person swing him on the swing for as long as they are willing. He's got the best grin.

The kiddos: Loved seeing our friends and family in Kansas. Everyone got to see their godparents except Liam, because they were sick :( They have been very helpful around the house and worked really hard when we were working outside today.  We also gave the boys all buzz cuts since it is about to be tick season here :P They look cute though.  School is wrapping up for the olders. Lots of change on the horizon for them.

In the kitchen: All boring things. So boring I can't even remember and I made the menu yesterday.  Chef salad, I remember that.  Always a hit.

Crafting: The shrug that I started last Spring is complete. Very cute.

Bringing me joy: The look on Mom's face when we surprised her for Easter. Having highballs with my sisters/ brothers-in-law. Lovely relaxed brunch with a forever friend while our kids played mostly nicely together. Big dreams. Sitting under the cherry tree with the sun on my face while I sip coffee. Overwhelming gratitude at the kindness and bigheartedness of my kids.

Journal: Ah, April. How you tease me.

Out my window: Dark. A couple (three?) inches of fluffy snow. (I measured after it got light outside- a little over four inches :P  Which is decidedly more than the trace to two they predicted.) It had been in the 50s and 60s and gorgeous for the last week, so I won't complain. All of the snow had melted. This'll melt soon, I hope. 

Clothing myself in: K-State sweat shirt, plaid jammie pants. Critter got me up at 4:15 this morning and I couldn't go back to sleep, so I decided to get up, turn on the coffee and blog. I am going to regret this decision at about 7:00 a.m.  As a side note, he is currently curled up sleeping on the couch :P

Around the house: It was rainy this weekend, so we worked on some Spring Cleaning inside.  Purged Liam's room, brought the queen sized bed from Isaac's room in the basement and Isaac and Liam are sharing the large upstairs bedroom now.  Purged Delle's room and rearranged her furniture. Purged Issy's room and moved her into Isaac's downstairs bedroom.  Made her old downstairs bedroom into a big kid's toy room with Legos. And my sewing stuff is going to go in there so my machine will be more easily accessible.

I also did a ton of laundry and switched the girl's winter clothes for summer clothes.  Blessedly, having lived in this climate for a while, I know to leave out several pairs of jeans and sweatshirts for days like this.  All in all, we had a very productive weekend.

Toddler: Tiring.  He was pretty good this weekend (whoa, he must've sensed me typing about him- he juuuust woke up.)  He's been fairly tricky about doing simple things, particularly getting dressed.  And he's a big dude, so him flopping around and being generally uncooperative while I am trying to dress him is a bit of a challenge.  But he's been sleeping fairly well lately, thank goodness. And he's been loving all the outside time. Looooving it.

Kiddos: The kid's school closed.  The kid's were all very disappointed/ sad. I am feeling pretty ungreat about our options next year :(  Please keep up prayers- I just want to feel peaceful about whatever decision we make.

In the kitchen: Easy stuff. Spaghetti, turkey and rice casserole.

Crafting: I gave my friend the blanket I sewed for her little boy this weekend.  It isn't much, but I love the fabric.

Worked a little bit on the shrug that I started last Spring.  Hoping to finish it this week.

Bringing me joy: Warm pine breezes, the smell of sun-dried blankets, the way Adelle would squeal in delight at every new hand-me-down outfit she would put on. Quick naptime errands with just Joe, the crackle of the a fire in the firepit on a with thunder in the distance, getting ready for Easter.

Thinking about: How good decluttering felt this weekend.  It is always good to be less attached to Stuff.  My personal Stuff struggle is papers. Kid's papers, old bills, old cards, filled up workbooks.  There are probably definitely bills I have carried from state to state for several years/ houses. But what if I want to know what my electric bill was in the first house we lived in in Idaho in 2007!!??  Oh, and stuffed animals.  We really have too many, but it's really hard for me to get rid of them because I remember most of the occasions they are attached to. So even if they never play with the stuffed bunny they got for Easter when they were two, I remember them getting it and have a hard time letting go of that.

Less stuff. It's a good thing.

Pictures to share:

Non-boot shoes!

Reading on Saturday morning.

Journal: It's "Spring"

Out my window: Cold- in the low 20s. Ah, Wisconsin Spring. I've only been here two years but Spring is hard-fought up North here.  In Kansas- it was like BOOM! Spring! Green grass, warmer weather, flowers. Everything is a lot sloooower up here.  The melting takes a while. So even when it is 40 (or even the 50 degree day we had) there is melting, and then often a little more cold, maybe some more snow.  It is probably a lesson in patience for my impatient heart. Looks like it is supposed to warm up toward the end of the week though. That would be lovely.

Clothing myself in: Purple turtleneck, grey short-sleeved sweater. Jeans, the ankle boots Joe bought me for Christmas.

The toddler: It's often two steps forward, a step back with him.  The potty training is still going pretty excellently here.  Not one accident this weekend. I suppose when he is ready, he will do it other places.  Everything just has to be his idea.

The kiddos: Issy is growing, growing. Her birthday was lovely- we had bierocks and cake the day before her birthday and surprised her with her gift- dinner and a show with me and Joe!  I think she really loved it.

Isaac is sick :-/ Fever, sore throat. Blessedly, it wasn't strep. Sounds like several other kids at school are getting it, too :(  His fever this evening was lower than it had been, so hopefully he is on the mend.

I brought home one of the new books from work for Liam to give me his opinion on. He read it in an evening and then asked if there were more to borrow. I told him yes, I had many, many books for him to read and give his opinion on.  He seemed pretty excited about the prospect. I brought home two more for him this weekend.  I might have started something.

It is indeed looking bleak for the school. I am trying not to feel discouraged. Looking into the public school, which is literally in our backyard, right beyond the tree line.  I don't know. Adelle will be five in June, which makes her Kindergarten age. But it's all day, which has always seemed like a bit much for a five-year-old.  I don't often ask for super specific things in my prayers, but some guidance in this decision would be nice.

In the kitchen: Chef's salad with all the fixins, meatloaf, biscuits and gravy. We had a fish chowder on Friday and it was deeeelish.  Kids even loved it. Highly recommend.

Crafting: YES! I mean, it wasn't much but one of my friends from work had a baby last week, so I made the baby a receiving blanket. The fabric is adorable, if I do say so. Pictures after I give it to his Mama.

Bringing me joy: the unique personalities of my friends and how much I enjoy sharing an evening with them, standing, however briefly, in the sunshine on the back deck with Joe while the dogs romped in the yard, the promise of warmer days to come, tucking my sweet Adelle into bed with her covers over her head, Issy's hugs.

Thinking about: In the last six months (oh, it probably goes further back than that...) how God is working in my life to make me a less judgmental, more love and accepting mother and person. I might expand more on that some other time. I am such a work in progress. It is painful to times to be led places I don't want to go, but it always works out.

Marney Update: March Edition

Hi friends. I know it's been a while. You all know why. I am going to make this a "Journal" type post, but I am not going to be a slave to that format, cause there is a lot of ground to cover.

Out my window: Hints of Spring. Edges of yard underneath piles of melting snow. Puddles. Oh, the puddles. My driveway is a mess.  It was sixty degrees the other day. 60 DEGREES, PEOPLE! I am not exaggerating when I tell you that we haven't seen 60 degrees in at least 4? months. I went outside. Without a coat. It was delightful and I look forward to more of that.

Clothing myself in: You don't even want to know. I was going to bleach school shirts when I got home and I always manage to get droplets of bleach on myself so I put on dumpy clothes after work. Then I never ended up taking care of the school shirts. Or changing out of the dumpy clothes....

The toddler: Yep, about a week and a half ago, he decided to potty train. So he's been going for it... at home. He doesn't want to have anything to do with it at his babysitter's house. It's a bit of a conundrum but I suppose it'll work itself out. He's been doing pretty great at home with it, so we will see. Other than that, he is funny, and I love to talk with him.

The kiddos: My IssyB is going to be 11 in just 4 days. 11!  She is just such a lovely person. Really. I couldn't have imagined when she was a teeny-tiny baby what a fantastic person she would blossom into. Kind and loving. Beautiful. On the inside and out. I don't know what I did to get to be the mother of such a wonderful person, but I am really really glad.

My sons are wonderful, too :)  Isaac has super duper buckled down and is working really hard on his grades.  They weren't bad, but he was being maybe a bit sloppy? I love to see his pride in his work when he knows he has worked hard and it's paid off. My Liam is a little knowledge sponge. He. Reads. Everything. Sometimes to an exasperating degree (like standing there reading a book when he's supposed to be getting dressed for school). But I love that he loves learning. What a cool kid.

My Delle is sweet to the core. I love how she adores Issy. It's wonderful.

In the kitchen: Mostly simple meals since I am pretty done by the time I get home from work- spaghetti, bean/ cheese/rice squares. Joe was going to fry some catfish and make some fish chowder on Fridays. And Issy requested bierocks for her birthday. Yum.

Crafting: Nah. I would really like to make time for it again at some point. I miss it. I have a bunch of mending I need to do though :P

Bringing me joy: The conversations I have with George when I am nursing him before bed at night (yes, he still nurses :) the peace on the 6 minute drive to work after I drop the kids off, listening to good music really loud, the way George joyfully says, "MOMMY! You came back!!" when I pick him up, playing the "Ask Any Question" game with Liam and Isaac, sunshine on my face and skin, the way Adelle skips instead of walks, dreaming about the future with Joe. There is a lot to be joyful about.

Thinking about: Oh, man. So much stuff. This is where I might go off the rails a bit on this whole journal thing and it might become more of a "brain dump" if you will.

I just really like working. It's been good for my personal mental health, I think. I love interacting with adults every day. It helps me to better appreciate some of the things that Joe finds challenging.  There is a lot of inner conflict about being away from my small ones. The conflict mostly comes from being grateful for a break. There is a fair amount of inner conflict about things not being "the way things used to be".  I feel certain that this is what I am supposed to be doing at this point. But no less guilty about not being there for Adelle and George in the same 24/7, bodily, way that I was for my older three.

I think a lot about what might be next for our family. I thought this would be our "forever home" because that is what you do- find a place to stay, settle down. Now I am not entirely sure that is what we, as a family, are called to. But God's plan has always been better than my plan, so we will see :)

Pictures to share: Alright, its been a ridiculous amount of time since I have posted pics, so I am going to. They are mostly Joe's pictures (maybe all of them?), so all photographic talent is his.

 This wasn't posed. Liam really is that sincere in his devotion. He is the my child most likely to become a Priest.

 I don't think it is possible for her not to pose.

 The path up to the Shrine.

 St. Joseph sculpture.

 The Shrine.

 Real life photo. It truly captured how much George didn't want to participate.

 Side altar with a painting of Bl. Miguel Pro.

The dome painted with stars is my favorite. That is saying something, there are many beautiful things to see here.

Changing gears. These were my Valentine's Day flowers.

 Before the Father Daughter Dance at church.

The many, many faces of George. He is very animated in his facial expressions. And certainly my son.

Journal: We are alive!

Out my window: Dark and 13 degrees. In for another chilly week. I am not tired of the snow as much as the ridiculous cold. It was sunny today (even though it was in the teens) and we cracked the windows. Just a little bit of fresh air. I think it helped. Looking forward to actual nice weather, I dunno, a couple months from now?

Clothing myself in: Black t-shirt, gray sweatshirt, skinny jeans. These awesomely warm slippers Joe bought me in November. Have I mentioned them here? They are seriously magically warm.

Around the house: Right after my last post, we decided to commit ourselves to the basement project and to finish it with our tax return money. Carpet went in a couple weeks ago. It is awesome having the space. Now we just have a few finishing things here and there that didn't get completed before the carpet. I love it, I am so glad we decided to just do it.

The toddler: Mostly good, actually. Sleeping until quarter till six most days, generally in a good mood, listening marginally better. He has been interested in pottying, so we will see how that progresses. He is extremely articulate and says very funny things. I've decided we should keep him.

The kiddos: January was chicken pox month in the Marney house. Issy, Liam, Adelle, then Isaac and George was last. It wasn't fun, but I am glad it's over.

The big kids grades on their midterms weren't the best. I mean, not awful, but really not the best they could do. I think they might be experiencing some cabin fever? I can't really blame them.

Sadly, it looks like their school will not have the funding to open another year :(  I am really very sad about it- it was a perfect fit for them. Now we will have to make some tough choices about what to do for their schooling next year. Could you please say a prayer that we choose well?

In the kitchen: No idea. I actually need to make a menu and list and go to the store tomorrow. I hate making a menu/list/going to the store. I like having food though. I would like it if someone would just do it for me. Any takers?

Crafting: Nope.

Bringing me joy: Fresh air. 40 degree days. Issy snuggling with me. George kisses. Sunlit trips to the Shrine in LaCrosse. The way the Church smells- like wood and candles.

Picture to share: Someday I will upload more, but here is a pic of a day trip we took to see the Shrine of our Lady of Guadalupe in LaCrosse. This is in a small chapel on the walk up to the Shrine. Beauty.

Journal: Happy New Years!

Out my window: Clear and a chilly 12 degrees. Though that is great compared to what we have in store the next few days- highs of 1 and -15 on Sunday and Monday, respectively, with horrible wind chills. School is already cancelled for Monday and Joe is working remotely from home so we don't have to get the kids out. Yuck, man.

Clothing myself in: Maurice's skinny jeans, the boots Mom and Dad Marney got me for my birthday and actually, a cute flannel shirt Mom and Dad Marney got me for Christmas. This outfit was almost entirely from Mom and Dad Marney- except a I threw Joe's robe over it cause I was cold :)

Around the house: We made a concerted effort on basement clean-up today since our kitchen project is nearing a close and the basement is next. Well, kind of next. We might do a quick detour into transitioning George into Liam's room and making G's room an office before we buckle down on the basement. But it is nice to have the basement in order. Whenever it is all picked up and tidy, I can see the potential for when it is completed. It is going to be such great space.

The toddler: I have been trying (and sometimes succeeding!) at being very positive with him especially when he is being particularly challenging. I have found that when he starts being ornery, if I can engage him positively, I can almost always turn it around. It is hard, though. Sometimes dinner has to be made or we are just trying to get out of the door and those are the times when it is most difficult to deal with his challenging behavior. But I feel like I have this effective tool that I was unaware of before, so it is something. Bit by bit with that little guy.

The kiddos: Yes, chicken pox. Issy definitely had it. She got a pretty mild case, but there was one miserably itchy night. I took her to the Physician's Assistant on Tuesday to confirm it, who told me it was fine if I just called in when the other kids got it and they would make note of it in their charts. Isaac had a fever tonight, which was how Issy's started, but it would be a little early for chicken pox, given the incubation period. At least if he got it from her. I suppose we will see.

The other kids are due for it this upcoming week. Unfortunately, Joe is out of town from Tuesday through Friday, so if they do get it this week, I am hoping it'll be towards the end. Ah, childhood illness. At least we will have gotten it over, though. Please pray that it happens quickly and mildly, if you could?

In the kitchen: Crock pot chicken, chicken noodle soup, turkey rice casserole and bean/ cheese/ rice squares. Made some chocolate chocolate chip cookies and snickerdoodles on New Years, maybe some more cookies tomorrow? Pumpkin butterscotch chip, I am thinking.

Crafting: Finished my scarf- just in time for this frigid weather. I am still working on my co-workers gloves.

Bringing me joy: A relatively peaceful day at home, sledding with the kids, Issy playing school with Adelle and George without any prompting, warm showers, naps, evening out with a friend, walking into work in the morning, having lunch with Joe.

Thinking about: 2013. Honestly, I am not sad to say good-bye. It was just kind of a rough year- Kolbe dying, never-ending winter, epic amounts of mosquitoes when winter finally ended, Isaac getting Kawasaki, Clementine getting Lyme disease, money stress, early mornings. But as we were putting together our 2013 slideshow, Joe and I were talking about how we still had an excess of beautiful moments we were able to include. So it certainly wasn't perfect and I hope 2014 is better but we still have a great life here.

I don't have any other pictures to include, but if you aren't on facebook with me or didn't get to see the slideshow, here it is. Happy New Years, my friends!

Journal: It's not you, it's me...

Out my window: Whew, a lot has changed since I blogged last. It has been very cold and pretty snowy this December.  There are probably about 9? inches of snow currently on the ground. It is clear and I can see the crescent moon in the brightening sky. It is supposed to be "warm" (in the thirties) today and then get frigidly cold again.

Clothing myself in: Jammies. I rolled out of bed this fine Saturday morning at 6:11 and threw on a robe and slippers when Issy woke me up. She had a fever yesterday and a few red bumps on her tummy. She woke me up to tell me some of them are itchy, some have blistered and she has more. I am thinking chickenpox, though I suppose that will become apparent over the next few days.

Around the house: Kitchen is almost done. The cabinets are all painted and put back together, the kitchen is painted. All we have left is putting up a little more woodwork, touching up some paint and a few knobs left on the cabinets.It looks great :)

The toddler: Super duper sweet and ornery. The biggest development over the last (almost) two months is that he has started to love his ABCs. And is fairly good at recognizing them, too. He still gets up ridiculously early, is very loud and opinionated. He also has a great smile, and likes to give "prisses" (kisses) and play in the snow.

The kiddos: Adelle is doing great at daycare. She really loves playing with her friend there.  Issy, Isaac and Liam are almost halfway through the school year. Other than Isaac have an abysmal penmanship grade, they are all doing well.
~~~~~continued Saturday afternoon~~~~~

In the kitchen: Hm, I made the menu a few days ago, but I just don't remember much of what is on it.  Turkey burgers and potato soup. I made some beer bread yesterday with our Italian sausage soup that would have been better if my non-stick pan had been up to par. A good portion of the delicious crusty bottom stayed in the pan :P

Crafting: I started knitting myself a scarf to match my coat a few weeks ago out of the blue and white yarn that I did the soaker in this post. I am working on knitting two of my co-workers some fingerless gloves for Christmas.

Bringing me joy: Afternoon naps, George saying, "Mom! You came back!" very enthusiastically in the afternoon when I pick him up, evening walk/jogs with Joe, the glow of Christmas lights, George singing his ABCs, a low-key but lovely Christmas.

Thinking about: How to effectively deal with my kids, especially George. He is two. He is extremely strong-willed. Extremely. More than any of my other kids. He is very large and strong for his age. He is very smart and verbal. And so, so exhausting. If he was my only child and I had unlimited time on my hands, I might feel less overwhelmed by him. I am just trying to figure him out and the best way to work with him.

So that's all I have this Saturday afternoon. Sorry for the absence- I am just trying to figure out what I can fit into the newly reconfigured schedule and still keep my sanity. I really like blogging though and hope to find time :)

Journal: Ch-ch-changes

Out my window: Dark and 43. I hate the end of Daylight Savings Time, it was dark by 5 this evening. Bleh. I mean, I know that I will adjust, but I get a little bit curmudgeony about it.

The poop smell has subsided significantly since last Wednesday. I smelled it a teensy bit this afternoon, but man, I just hope it doesn't return with the same fervor as before.

Clothing myself in: Brown yoga pants and K-State sweatshirt. Foxy, I tell you.

Around the house: Joe had Friday off for All Saint's Day (hooray for Catholic employers!) so we had a three day weekend. We relaxed a fair amount and we also made a concerted effort on painting our cabinets. They are coming along nicely. I would like to have the kitchen all painted and put back together by mid- December.

The toddler: It was one of those weeks in childhood development where you can just tell that he grew up. It is hard to explain. He is (slightly) more compliant, significantly more articulate and generally just more chilled out. I mean, he is still George, but there were several times this week when he just played nicely, with toys, by himself.  It was wonderful. And his speech. He talks so well and he is such a big dude, sometimes I forget he is just a tad over two years old.

The kiddos: Adelle is in the whiney phase again. We have thrown a lot of changes at her the last few months- stopped sucking her thumb in July, separated rooms with Issy in August, Liam went to school in September, leaving her with George all day. And oh man, I am feeling it. I really try to be patient with the wailing, and the return of thumb sucking and the coming to our bed in the middle of the night. Sometimes I do better than others. The meltdowns are the hardest. Poor little gal has had her little world rocked. And will some more soon...

In the kitchen: Crock pot chicken, I think I will make some pork and sweet potato stew. I should really get started on the 20 dozen cookies I need to make for the school fundraiser in a month and just freeze them...

Crafting: Nuh uh.

Bringing me joy: Anticipation for our upcoming visit to Kansas, fresh piney air, a smooth job interview, a job offer, seeing the kid's Halloween joy, hanging out with Joe for three days.

Thinking about: I interviewed for the job on Wednesday and got a job offer on Thursday afternoon. I am going to spend a little time there this week, just to see what it is like and I am hoping to discuss start date and all of that then. Blessedly, we will still be able to take our trip to Kansas for Thanksgiving, which is great. I am glad that we will get to do that before I really settle into the job.

I am nervous/ excited about the job- it is a sales admin job with Catholic Word's division of Ignatius Press.  Basically, Ignatius Press has three positions in the Catholic Word office in Necedah (with headquarters in San Francisco and a distribution center in Ft. Collins, CO) and I will be filling one of them. I will be working in the same place as Joe, though in a different part of the company.

It is a lot of different for us.  A whole lot.  I haven't really worked outside of the home since before Issy was born, so all of them have always known me being a home. I have the Mother Guilt ™ about leaving the kids, even though a good friend of mine is doing daycare. Just you know, not seeing all their day to day things. But I am also excited about flexing my brain in a different way and interacting with adults on a regular basis. So you know, conflicted. I am just praying for a smooth transition for my littles.

Journal: Deep Fall

Out my window: 42 and cloudy. It smells like stinky poop outside. I have no idea why. This happened last year at the end of November for about a week. Like really pungently horrible. I hope that it goes away soon.

Clothing myself in: Exercise pants with a stripe. Josh Groban concert T-shirt.

Around the house: We actually got a chance to work on building up the dirt in the front of the house. It feels good to have gotten a chance to work on it. Painting.

The toddler: He has gotten very funny and cute lately. He has been playing by himself with toys much better as well- I can currently hear him in the living room pretending to be sleeping. He played with a dinosaur and tractor for a long time earlier. Getting a very good imagination.

The kiddos: Delle started sucking her thumb again about a month ago and we have been working on stopping that again. She had done super great from July to when I got ill last month. Last night we realized that what helped in the first place was painting her fingernails- she didn't want to smudge the nail polish. So I painted her nails this afternoon and she didn't even attempt at naptime. If I can keep on that, hopefully we can get her back on track.

Need to nail down costumes for All Saint's Day and Halloween in a few days. Why do I procrastinate? The end of October comes at the same time every year.

In the kitchen: Chicken Enchiladas, grilled cheese with pumpkin soup, three bean chili, egg casserole.

Crafting: Nope.

Bringing me joy: Evening walk/jogs, George's naptime, Adelle's smile, clean laundry, a well-behaved house puppy, Reconciliation (why do I put it off? I always feel better after), friendships that have lasted many years.

Thinking about: I am actually interviewing for a job on Wednesday. An out-of-the-house job. Please keep me in your prayers?

Journal: Mega-date

Out my window: 37 with a teensy bit of sun. Brrrr. Highs in the 40s this week.  Not really ready for winter, but I guess it will come when it comes.

Clothing myself in: I was freezing, even with the heater on, so I put on the wicked sweater that I knit 4? years ago. Has it really been that long? Some jeggings that I got from Maurice's with my birthday money from Mom and Dad Marney.  Well, Maurice's calls them jeggings, but that brings to my mind leggings that look like jeans. I would call these "skinny jeans" but I suppose they can market things how they wish, lol.  I actually also have on the boots I got with my birthday money. So thanks for the outfit, Mom and Dad Marney. It is nice to have clothes that fit that I feel look nice on me.

Around the house: Just working on painting the cabinets. That is the ongoing project for the foreseeable future.

The toddler: Mostly good. He has had some bouts of crazy fit-throwing today when things haven't gone his way, even more so than usual. Maybe from me and Joe being gone? Hoping it passes quickly.

The kiddos: Liam told me that Mondays are his favorite day so he can go back to school. So it's pretty safe to say he likes school :)  Issy was a great helper to the baby-sitter over the weekend, she is growing up so fast! Isaac got a remote control car and a bow and arrow from his godparents for his birthday and has been having all sorts of fun with those. Adelle is loving the preschool co-op we have been doing :)

In the kitchen: Meh, need to make a menu and list and go to the store this week.

Crafting: Nope. Creative energy goes to house projects. But seriously- the kitchen is going to look awesome when it is done.

Bringing me joy: Awesome night away with Joe. I want to remember it all- the gorgeous drive with the fall leaves, the lovely hotel, walking downtown in Minneapolis holding onto Joe's arm, delicious dinner at a fun pub, the excitement of waiting in line for the show, the awesome music, blissful night's sleep, the way Joe sounds when he laughs.  Our life isn't perfect, but I am so glad I get to do it with him.  The break was so nice and it was refreshing to come back to the kids.

Thinking about: How to live a full life with minimal regrets at the end of it.

Picture to share:

Birthday outfit from Mom and Dad Marney. Took this a couple of weeks ago. Maybe someday I will upload blurry date pictures :)

Journal: Hey there.

Out my window: 45 and cloudy.

Clothing myself in: Work jeans that have paint on them. Blue stripey shirt with a grey sweatshirt.

Around the house: Well, I was sick a couple of weekends ago, and Joe decided to put laminate in the kitchen while I was out. I mean, I knew he was doing it. We had talked about doing it for a while because that white linoleum was so difficult to clean. I mean, even after I cleaned it, it still looked very dingy. The laminate is lovely and so ridiculously easy to clean. It actually looks clean after I mop it!

Of course, these kinds of projects often lead to others, so I painted the reading nook with leftover paint from the master bathroom- love it! It's such a great color. And it means I didn't have to buy more paint :) We are also painting the kitchen cabinets white, which is a bit of a process, but it is coming along. We are also painting the kitchen with some basement paint, so yay- don't have to buy more paint there! I can't wait till it's finished.

We have also been working in the woods- Isaac got a hatchet for his birthday, so he has been an enthusiastic participant. We have had to take out some trees because of oak wilt and a few of our pines have died because of the drought. It would be perfect if the ticks hadn't come back out :P

The toddler: Overall, pretty great. We are getting more "after six a.m." days which I am grateful for. He loves playing outside. Talks all the time. Still working on gentleness, but improving.

The kiddos: Got mid-terms last week. Everyone did pretty great, overall.  Everyone needs to work on their handwriting, lol. I really love their school.  Love that it is small, love that they love it. I feel really blessed that we found it.

In the kitchen: This butternut squash, pasta and butter thing. I make some substitutions because I haven't been able to find orecchiette or chicken sausage. But it is super yum anyways.

Crafting: Nope. All creative energy has been spent redoing the kitchen.

Bringing me joy: Watching Joe and George play together. Hugging my very tall Issy. Seeing how proud Isaac is about his hatchet. Listening to Liam read. Listening to tell sing Jars of Clay songs.

Thinking about: DATE TOMORROW NIGHT! Josh Groban and spending the night in a hotel in Minneapolis. Seriously, really really excited. I love my kids to pieces but I am so looking forward to 24 hours of just concentrated marriage time. And sleep. Really excited about the sleep.

Journal: I am 32

Out my window: Dark, clear, 61. Fall crisp in the air.

Clothing myself in: Jeans, tennis shoes, Buddy Walk shirt. Got a new outfit this weekend with my birthday money from Mom and Dad Marney. Pretty exciting:

Around the house: Joe and the kids did some birthday house cleaning while I was shopping this weekend. He cut trees after dinner tonight with a chainsaw.

The toddler: Never a dull moment. We do pretty well playing outside in the morning and blessedly, he has been napping well.  It gets dicey with him after school when we are trying to do homework, chat with the schoolers and make dinner. What can you do about it?

The kiddos: Isaac is very excited about his upcoming birthday. In an understated, Isaac sort of way. He decided on Bierock casserole and chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting. Lord of Rings themed, so that should be interesting. Big three have school off on Friday for the feast of St. Francis. I think it will be a bike ride, tea having, pumpkin bread baking kind of day.

In the kitchen: Joe and I had a fun Sunday in the kitchen- bierocks and apple pie. It was super tasty, but man. So many dishes. I finally got the last of them done and put away this afternoon.

Crafting: Closing in on that sweater. Push through, Erin.

Bringing me joy: Gorgeous, kinda pleasantly blustery fall days, campfires, new books, awesome music to listen to, ponder and listen to some more. When George lays his head on my shoulder or puts his big ol' toddler arms around my neck, coffee with real cream, new boots, pretty new fall ribbon I need to find something to do with.

Thinking about: God's will for our family. What kind of people I want my children to be when they grow up- how to do that.

I have pictures but I just want to post this, so I will share later in another post :)

Journal: End of September

Out my window: 47 and sunny. Beautiful fall weather.

Clothing myself in: Blue sweatpants, orange Old Navy fleece I got when I was pregnant with Isabelle.

Around the house: The garage sale was successful, glad it is over, now I need to decide what to do with the rest of the stuff. I have a little bit of hoarder in me, so it kind of pained me to sell the baby clothes, even though I kept all the pieces that were special to me. It is good to be unattached from "stuff". Although it isn't really the "stuff" that is special, but the time it reminds me of. It is good to move on to a new season in life, although sometimes a little hard to let go of the old one.

The toddler: Parenting him is very 1 step forward, 2 steps back. I should expect this, it is just difficult. He is very sweet and adorable when he says, "good morning, Mom" when I come get him in the morning and I love it when he says goodnight to me, his Barney and his racecar blanket. I just need to remember that parenting is a marathon, not a sprint.

The kiddos: I like that they like school. I like the quiet when they are at school.  And I simultaneously miss having them around.  I miss the old days of homeschooling sometimes. Although it is really, really nice not to have the pressure of wondering if I am teaching them enough, the "right" things, challenging them the "appropriate" amount.

In the kitchen: White chicken chili, bierocks (!) crock pot chicken, chicken noodle soup.

Crafting: I have several things half finished and am in the process of writing a couple hat patterns. Need to finish things instead of leaping into more projects.

Bringing me joy: Apple picking, Adelle and George building a relationship, Isabelle's mature helpfulness, the filtered sunlight in autumn colored trees, clean laundry, cider-scented candles.

Thinking about: What the new season of life holds for us. Still.

Journal: Settling in to September

Out my window: 57 and clear. It's evening and the waxing moon is out. Finally feels like September. It's supposed to be warm and humid and rainy on Wednesday and Thursday and then back to fall. That's fine- we need the rain.

Clothing myself in: Jeans, pink and grey striped shirt, brown cardigan, tennis shoes. Dreaming about new shoes, as all mine seem to be falling apart. I have no "causal" shoes right row- nothing between tennis shoes or flip flops and heels. Maybe for my birthday?

Around the house: This weekend, we worked on clearing some stuff out of the basement for a garage sale next weekend. Went through the toys, because they were all out in the main basement room from when we cleared out the playroom (which is now Issy's room).  I whittled it down to a manageable amount of toys, which will go in respective rooms.  That felt good.

We put up the fall decorations, which I love, love, love.  Fall is my favorite season and I love decorating for it, probably more than for Christmas even. Love the colors, love the feel, love the warmth. Yay, fall.

The toddler: He very nearly made it all Mass without needing to be taken out on Sunday. I think I had to take him out after the Lamb of God? This is the longest he has been in Mass the last six? eight? months. Perhaps longer. Most of the time, he wouldn't even make it to the readings.  A combination of books, Barney and some whispering distraction in his ear almost got us there. Someday!

Him and Delle were better last week than the first week of school, thank goodness. Some fun walks, good naps, and lots of redirection helped. Patience, patience, patience and gentleness are what he needs.
 
The kiddos: School is still great for Liam, Adelle is looking forward to preschool coop tomorrow and Issy and Isaac are enjoying their new found basement freedom.

Good Liam story: The school families take turns cleaning the school each week and it was our turn last week. On Friday after school, I was in Liam's classroom wiping off the tables and taking out the trash. His teacher smiled and said, "Your son is very, um, interesting" as she chuckled. I laughed and told her that I knew but I asked her in what way she meant. They had a journaling assignment about a fish. She told me she had assigned it in the morning and it took him all day of thinking. She was trying to prompt him, so she asked him what color the fish was. He decided it was blue.  He thought for a while. She asked him what the fish was doing.

She said that he thought for a good twenty minutes before he started writing. After a moment, he looked up at her and said, "How do you spell fertilizing?"

His story was, "There was a fish. He was blue. He was fertilizing eggs."  She laughed and said she was amused and impressed by his correct use of the term "fertilizing eggs."  Apparently, first graders don't usually discuss that, lol. That's ma boy.

In the kitchen: Chili? Bean, cheese, and rice squares? Fish tacos? I hate that few days before grocery shopping :P

Crafting: One sleeve is successfully done on little baby sweater. Looks good, need to do the other one, which should be easy because I diligently wrote down what I was doing.  I finished a hat I started last winter when a friend announced her pregnancy and I love it. Need to figure out what I did so I can write down a pattern for it.

Bringing me joy: Walking home from school on a beautiful day with my little ones.  Life is hard sometimes, but it is sweet, idyllic times like that that make it so worth it.  Last Friday, it was beautiful and wonderfully quiet in the house during naptime. For two hours.  Two. whole. hours. I knit in our reading nook and enjoyed the sunshine and breeze in the windows. The way that George's voice raises pitch in excitement. It is kind of hard to explain. He says, "Boo and snunnel?? At naptime?" and his voice raises at the end of each question and he raises his eyebrows in this adorable way. Cooler weather, the start of fall colors, rainy Sunday, fall decorations.

Thinking about: Still God's will for our family. For me. Sometimes I feel restless in motherhood. I feel like I have more to gave outside of these walls. I don't know what it is.

Journal: School is in session

Out my window: 94 and humid. Apparently, those mild weeks in July and August decided to come to September :P

Clothing myself in: Blue t-shirt, jean capris, tennis shoes.

Around the house: We painted Liam's room this weekend.  And the Great Marney Room Swap is complete.  They are loving the weekends in the basement bedrooms together and everyone seems to be getting better sleep during the week. Well, I guess I should say the room swap is  almost complete. In some undetermined amount of time, when we decide George is ready, he will start rooming with Liam. He is totes not there yet.

Seriously, we have a ton of outside stuff to do. Now, get with it, cooler weather.

The toddler: Oh. My. I am trying to think of a nice way to say that parenting him has been, um... extremely difficult? lately. But his birthday was pretty great- he played at my friend's house in the morning, took a good nap and really liked his presents. We just need to get through this stage with as much grace as possible. Please, God.

Continued on Tuesday
The kiddos: They are doing great getting back into the school routine. Liam thinks school is "awesome!".  He actually asked me to take him back at about 4:30 in the afternoon one day last week. His teacher said he is doing just fine. I am so relieved. I hope things continue to be awesome. Or at least good, for him.

Issy and Isaac are old pros at the first day of school now :) They are adjusting to their new classrooms and teachers. Issy is adjusting to the more work/ increased pace of the 5th grade. I can't believe they are getting so big.

I am meeting with three other moms about doing a preschool coop once a week for our little ones. Pretty exciting- Adelle will love that. She is cutting out nap (at least on the days she isn't going to sleep with Issy) so she has been having "quiet reading time" in the afternoon while George is down. And then we usually do a little activity. She is just such a delight.

In the kitchen: Trying out Chicken and Gnocchi soup per a friend's recommendation. Looks yum. Tuna burgers and a bunch of other ol' standbys. We are kind of stuck in a rut. Any family-friendly, easy, healthy, economical ideas?

Crafting: I've worked a little on the baby sweater and I am trying to figure out gauge for the baby hat that I am trying.  Slow and steady.

Bringing me joy: The way that Liam says school is "awesome!" with such enthusiasm, the joy it brings for Adelle to color with markers in her purple, sparkly notebook, the way her eyes get big and she gasps with joy when I tell her it is Friday and she can sleep with Issy. Isaac letting lose and acting goofy. The complete quiet of naptime when George is asleep. The adorable way that George scoots his trike around the living room.  The way he says, "Super George! To the rescue!" Seeing Issy blossom from child into young lady a little bit every day.

Thinking about: God's will for our family. If I have the courage to bring my will into accord with His, even if it seems difficult.

Journal: Labor day!

Out my window: 57 right now, overcast. A cool front came through last night, thank goodness and it only supposed to be 73 today. But, it looks like it'll be very much back and forth for the next week or so between the 70s and high 80s, which is kind of ridiculous.  Oh, well, I will take the 70s where I can get them, I suppose.

Clothing myself in: Grey tank top and black sweatpants with a blue stripe. Blue paint speckles on my arms from yesterday still. Because of....

Around the house: Painted Isaac's room yesterday.  It is very very vibrant blue. Robin's egg, actually.  He seemed to really like it. I need to get some better pictures that are true to color, because the cell phone picture I took doesn't do it justice. We picked out some paint swatches for Liam's room. Joe and I have one that we liked, now we just need to convince Liam, lol.

We have about a gazillion outside projects we need to do now that it (hopefully) will be cooler. Building up the dirt by the front of the house, building a bat house, power washing the house, painting the shutters and deck.  And of course, the woods have lots of downed branches and such that need clearing. Home ownership is never dull.

The toddler: Oh, he had a bit of a rough week. I mean, he is always kind of ornery, but he was just trickier than usual- getting into things, being rough with people, clingy, tantrumy. Maybe he isn't feeling well? Or maybe he is just being extra toddlery?

His birthday is in four days! How did two years pass? I started labor on Labor Day weekend and it came and went and came and went until he was born, bright and early at 6:35 the Tuesday after Labor Day. If you would like, you can read his story here.

The kiddos: Adelle and Issy's room adjustments went fairly well last week.  Monday night was the first night apart and Adelle wasn't so sure she wanted to sleep without Issy. We let them have quiet reading time in Adelle's room and then Issy helped tuck her in. Issy was very tender with her and Adelle said, "I am going to miss you." in the sweetest voice ever.  Adelle came out several times to tell us that she didn't want to sleep without Issy, but she didn't last too long.  Issy came up about ten o'clock, looking rather sheepish, to say that it was too quiet without Adelle and she couldn't go to sleep.  They had a happy reunion on Friday night for their "sleepover" in Issy's room. I think it'll work out well.

School starts tomorrow! Liam, in particular, seems excited :)

In the kitchen: Bbq pulled pork, chili, taco soup for dinner.  Need to make some muffins for before-school breakfasts.

Crafting: Finished the body of the revamped baby sweater and am working the sleeves. So far, so good. Thinking of a baby hat pattern I need to jot down.

Bringing me joy: Three day weekends with Joe, anticipating our upcoming getaway in October to the Twin Cities to see Josh Groban- it has been forever since we've gotten away. How excited the kids are about their new rooms.Fire pit fires. Listening to kids playing in the woods.

Thinking about: God's will for our family.

12 years

I have been trying to write a post about my mother for months, because she's been on my mind, but I just couldn't. Because there is so much I want to say, but I don't know how to say it.

I miss her. But that statement is so inadequate, I hate to even put it down. The truth is, I have begun to forget. Not her- I think of her quite often. But I have all but forgotten, or at least I have a hard time imagining, what it was like when she was here. In the early years, I could imagine what it would have been like to have her at my wedding, to have her at the birth of my kids, how much she wouldn't have liked us moving to Idaho but would have loved the mountains there.

But it is fading. And I hate it. A lot of my memories of her are snippets of our last interactions. Joe and I had gotten engaged the night before she went in for surgery, the night before they discovered the cancer had spread and she was dying.

I think of Joe asking my parents for their blessing after the anesthesia had worn off and we had gone to her hospital room.

Once she was at home and receiving hospice care, playing her music that we wanted to have at our wedding. I remember her closing her eyes to listen to All the Heavens and Canon in D.

Talking to her about how she wanted to make it for our wedding in June. She acknowledged that it would be a "long, cold winter" before June.  It was a long, cold winter, though I had to do it without her.

She had wanted to see me in the wedding dress I had chosen. It was in Olathe though, and she wasn't strong enough for the trip up there so I bought it and they mailed it to me. It arrived on a Friday. She was falling asleep when I went to try it on and she woke up briefly enough to appreciate it. I remember her hands as she touched the fabric.

She didn't wake up much after that. She died on a Tuesday night.

Standing on the back porch shortly after she died, hugging Joe, looking at the sky, wondering where she was.

Going to bed that night, after they had taken her body away, sleeping with my sisters and Joe on the floor. Feeling so empty. Poured out. Wondering how it would ever be okay, let alone good again, without her there.

Those early months of grief hurt so bad. And I thought that the can-hardly-breathe moments would never end. But they did.

I suppose this fading, this moving into acceptance is preferable. But I feel like I left something when I was able to move on. The can-hardly-breathe grief seemed more appropriate. But who can live like forever?

Over the last year, several people- people from Church who knew her, my aunts, my friends who knew her- have told me that I look like her. I like that I look like her. I look in the mirror and see a bit of her. I look at my hands and think about her's. I used to look at her hands in Church on Sunday. Sometimes my children look at my hands in Church. It's a circle, I suppose.

I can only hope that I can be as kind and loving of a person as she was as well.

Journal: August heat wave

Out my window: 76 at 9 in the morning.  After several weeks of very mild temperatures, it is hot again. Supposed to get into the 90s or mid-90s most days this week. Bleh.  Make up your mind, Summer, you can't have it both ways.

Clothing myself in: Black and grey tank tops, black capris. Mismatched ankle socks.

Around the house: Oh my. Well, we have been discussing the room situations since school was going to start soon. Prior to this, Issy and Adelle shared a room, Liam and Isaac shared a room and George had his own room. All on the main floor.  It was fine, except that they would tend to keep each other awake talking after bedtime. If we separated them (especially the boys) everyone would fall asleep much faster.

We also thought it would be good if Issy could stay up a little later reading in her room some evenings without keeping Adelle up. So we decided to rearrange things completely. We didn't want Issy to be alone in the basement, so we moved her into the playroom and Isaac into the guest bedroom.  We actually painted Issy's bedroom this weekend. Sky blue. It is really lovely.

So on the main level, we have Adelle in the boy's old room, which we painted pink for her.  She is thrilled about it. At least the idea of it ;)  Tonight will be her first night, so we will see how that goes. We let her and Issy stay in Issy's room last night. It was cute, as I was tucking the girls in, Issy said, "I am glad my first night in my new room I can share will Delle." We are moving Liam to the girl's old room because it is big enough for two. Eventually, George will share with him.  We will decorate the boy's rooms in a few weeks. We told them they can have sleepovers in the basement on Saturday nights since they like sharing rooms so much.

So yes, it was a big weekend around here.

The toddler: Mostly great. Articulate and fun. Unfortunately, however, his biting has gotten worse. Yes, I have *that* kid. It is super duper frustrating. Any mamas of biters here? Suggestions? Commiseration?

The kiddos: Lots of adjustment with the new sleeping arrangements.  I have anticipated Adelle having a hard time with it, but I had underestimated how much it would effect Liam.  Growing pains sometimes. But I think everyone will rest better this way. And they will still have sibling time on the weekends.

School starts in 8 days. Whoa.

In the kitchen: Tuna burgers, roasted chicken, chicken salad sandwiches, bean and cheese burritos.

Crafting: I seamed one side of the baby sweater. It was painstaking work. It prompted me to rewrite the pattern so you knit it from the top down, reserve some sleeve stitches and knit the front panels and the back in one piece. I am testing my rewrite currently and it is going well, as far as I can tell.

Bringing me joy: Posh pink and sky blue rooms for my girlies. How much my children really love each other and enjoy their sibling's company, the way George whispers I love you after I tuck him in and pretends to snore when I walk out of the room, working in the woods with my family.

Thinking about: How much life is going to change next week. I am nervous about just having Adelle and George around together. The dynamic between them can be really tricky. It might make things better (or perhaps worse?) to have the two of them together all day. It will be weird not to have an older child helper.

Pictures to share: