24 weeks

23 weeks

24 weeks. I wore this shirt when we visited Yellowstone when I was 37 weeks with Adelle. I am feeling doubtful that it is going to fit me in another 13 weeks.

Everything is fine here. Had an appointment yesterday- the little turkey is sitting breech, which is kind of uncomfortable for me. He has about another 4-6 weeks to decide to go head down. The sooner, the better. Not one smidge of concern about him looking anemic.

I am starting to feel like I am actually going to be having a baby. Perhaps due to the hardly deniable expanding abdomen and tossy-turny in my womb, it is kind of hitting me that in a few months I am going to be doing it all again- the first few sleepless weeks, the falling in love, the adjustment/adoration as the older kids get used to a new person in the house. I have bought him some clothes (even though, really, once I get all the hand-me-downs in place, he will probably be set. It is always nice to have a few new things, though), started thinking about what I will need to diaper him (again, yay for hand-me-downs!) and about his accommodations.

And still, wow. Another baby.

First Communion

Daddy took her picture before Mass

The kids in PSR and the homeschooling kids all sat together as a class.

Party at Grammie and Grandpa's. They were extremely generous in providing both a space and most of the food for our get together. I did provide cupcakes, however :) The actual cupcake was a little dense for my taste, but the cream cheese frosting was good.

Opening some beautiful gifts from party attendants.

With her godparents.

With her "godsister" and very best friend.

Mom and Dad

My nephew Richard received his First Communion a couple weeks after Issy. Joe took some pictures for him, too and we got some of them together. I can't believe they are both so big!

Baby update

I wrote this on Thursday, the 12th, but blogger was down, so here you go:

Had another MCA today and George is looking great- well out of transfusion range. We are still on the MCAs every two weeks along with growth every four (which will be next time). The doctor stopped in and chatted a few minutes. He said that as long as everything kept looking good we could do MCAs through 35 weeks and then at 36 or 37 do an amnio to test the bilirubin level and to test lung maturity. We can keep doing the MCAs after 35 weeks, they just aren't as accurate. If the baby is moving, it can make the measurement artificially high and indicate anemia where there is none (which is likely what happened with Liam, I suspect).

But he was very encouraging about waiting things out if the baby looked fine. If his bilirubin level looks fine at the 36/37 week amnio, we will probably continue to do MCAs (understanding the limitations) and wait it out for him. The doctor thought it was great that I was able to have VBACs with the last two, especially how we handled Liam's induction. He said that the best case was for me to be able to go into labor on my own.

So I suppose at this point we continue to hope that George is unaffected (uneffected? why can I never remember that one?) and that he decides to make his appearance on the slightly early side so we don't have to worry about him. I think I am growing another big boy, which should be interesting. I have no doubt I can birth a big baby (it's in my blood) but you know, August in Kansas, big baby in womb.

Overall, I am very encouraged and very pleased by my care this time. Less than halfway to go now!

Searching for simplicity...

I am beginning to realize that the more children we have, the more elusive simplicity is going to be. Joe has been crazy busy with work, and while it is *technically* possible for me to take all four children to the grocery store with me, the idea of that makes my head want to explode, so we have to plan around when he will actually be home for me to do it child-free. This is sometimes a bit of a task.

Oh, illness. I thought when we all got the stomach flu that we would be fine for a while. Alas, no. Last week, as I said, Adelle woke up with an earache. And Issy woke up Friday morning with a fever. And Isaac got a fever on Saturday. And I am wondering what I am doing wrong and when this ridiculous chain one illness on top of another is going to end. It has been something or other since January and I am tired. of. it.

Adelle being ill makes cleaning the house in peace nearly impossible. She wants to be snuggled and loved or at least demands that you not give any other activity your undivided attention. Which would be fine if Joe was here to cater to the little dictator's toddler's needs and wants while I kept the dishes and laundry up, but that just hasn't been feasible. (On a side note, thank God for him. I don't know how I would do this life without him. I hope to get him back someday soon.)

There were good times this week, too, however. Blessedly, Issy was better in time for her First Communion, which was a beautiful and special day. (Joe has the memory card with most of the pictures, but I will try to share them soon.) Grammie and Grandpa Marney hosted her party, which was such a blessing. I married into a great family :)

So suppose I am going to have to let go of the idea that anything- grocery shopping, house cleaning, heck- life, is going to be simple anymore. 7 people (including 5 people under the age of 9)≠ simple. But our life is very, very full. And it forces me to be creative :)

20 week appointment

Introducing- George Arthur:

Yes, that is really his name. Yes, it is old-fashioned, but that is cool with us. And yes, I am kind of hoping that he is an innately curious child so I can call him my curious little monkey ;)

I am sure I am the only person who really appreciates the shadowy ultrasound pictures, but I thought I would share them anyways.

Limbs? Arms, I think.

So far, so good. His MCA looked great today- no signs of anemia. All his chromosome tests looked fine. They looked more closely at his heart, which looked fine. He has the little c antigen, but not kell. The doctor said that, of the two, little c is definitely preferable to kell. Kell is more aggressive and this would have been my third kell sensitized pregnancy, upping the chance of problems. So, while it would have been nice for him not to have any antigens, this is really the best scenario if he does.

So we are doing MCAs every two weeks until 32 weeks and then probably weekly after that with an added biophysical profile. They are going to check growth every 4 weeks. He is a nice, chubby guy so far- his estimated weight today was 14 oz. We *might* do an amnio around 36 weeks to test his amniotic fluid for bilirubin, since the MCAs are not as accurate then. (and I would probably ask them to test for lung maturity while they were at it). I like my doctor, but I foresee that we might run into a difference of opinion on when it might be good to induce and get the baby out verses waiting. He seems reasonable so I hope a compromise can be easily reached, if that is the case.

George has the long, kicky legs already.

In response to my last post, yes, everyone did end up getting the stomach flu, except for Issy. And we were better by Easter. And I will just say, for the record, I would rather go through unmedicated (non-induced) labor and birth than have the stomach flu. Adelle, however, woke up ridiculously early this morning and has been sporadically clutching her ear and crying while she says, "Ear hurts." So apparently, we aren't out of the illness woods yet :P But it is a lovely day and my baby looks good, so I think it'll be a good day anyways :)

I just need to get everyone well...

Passing the yuckiness around here, which is a bummer. Well, I guess it is just the boys who have gotten it, and I am hoping against hope that no one else gets it (specifically, Adelle. I hate it when the baby gets sick, it is so much harder since they can't communicate effectively.) Or, if we do all get it, we can be done with it before Easter. Low expectations, friends, it makes life with small children bearable.

I got the preliminary chromosomal results of the amnio back (which I didn't realize they could do a quick test- the full test takes a couple of weeks) and he looks fine from that standpoint. Hooray! I am starting to feel back to normal. It took a little longer this time- maybe because this is the earliest I have had it done? I can't overstate how much I am glad that is over. And how I am really hoping that is the last needle in my belly I will need this pregnancy. I am so sincerely hoping to avoid needing any in utero tranfusions. We shall see.

We learned this last week that Lamby is a must for Adelle to sleep. She got Lamby last Easter, a cheap grocery store stuffed animal for her Easter basket that quickly became "the One". I never intended on Lamby being the One. She looked worn about a month after being loved on. So a couple of weeks ago I went to the grocery store and got New Lamb. Same lamb, only cream colored instead of brown and she looks like Lamby must have looked a year ago.

Well, Adelle left Lamby at a friend's house last week and I thought it was no big deal, she could sleep with New Lamb.

Only, no. No, no, no. She went to sleep ok, woke up about an hour later and it was downhill from there. She would flail her arms out, looking for Lamby and cry. From about 9:30 to 1:30. It was awful, poor little thing. I would try to hand her New Lamb, she would fiddle with it for a minute and then throw it.

Blessedly, Lamby was returned to us the next day and she has been sleeping fine ever since. Scary, though. Must protect Lamby as if my very life (or at least my sleep) depends on it from now on.

The Bump

17 weeks 6 days

Really glad that part is over

Amnio done yesterday. Whew. Luckily, I had the first appointment of the day (7:30- oy!) so we didn't have to sit forever in the waiting room. In and out by 8:15, including getting me and Joe's blood drawn.

We went in and found a spot where they could take the fluid. Good news- even though the placenta is anterior (covering the front of my uterus), he was able to get a spot right beside it, instead of having to go through it. Baby was on the other side, breech, so there was a nice big spot with no placenta or baby. Not having to go through the placenta means lower risk of further sensitizing me if the baby has an antigen, so hooray!

Needle in, fluid out, needle out. Ouch! I had a pretty bad cramp right after they took the needle out, and then I got quite woozy and my ears started ringing even though I was reclined. I asked for some water and the kind resident that was working with the doctor that day got me a wet washcloth and I started to perk up. They did an MCA and his numbers looked fine.

Joe asked if they could confirm the sex, since the baby was pretty small last time, even though we were pretty sure we knew. And yes, most definitely another son.

Several people helped us out yesterday (thanks Mom, Erika and Michelle!) so that I could rest after it was over. My abdomen still kinda hurts a bit today and I have had some cramping here and there, but overall, much better. We get the results of the chromosomal testing in two weeks and he said that the antigen information might take less time, or it might take the two weeks, so we are prepared to wait a couple of weeks to find out. And then we can just take it from there.

Quiet spring days...

One of the kids (Issy?) picked me a flower, that I shared with the baby
(photo by Joe)

Soaking up every bit of spring over here. Baby growing and moving in the womb. I even felt him from the outside the other day. Amnio day tomorrow. One of my least favorite days with each pregnancy, but at least it'll be over.

Daddy reading A Magic School Bus book over lunch. Love having him home for lunch.

School is lovely again. I think I might just have to come to terms with the fact that sometimes it is going to be easy and rewarding and the kids are going to be easily engaged and receptive and sometimes it will seem like hard work and the kids are going to whine and I am going to feel tired and impatient. Thank goodness for the lovely and rewarding times.

My sweet oldest two.
(editing by Joe.)

Even with Joe working a gazillion hours a week and the uncertainty of what this pregnancy will hold, life is good right now. I am feeling very loved and supported and the kids are reflecting that back with good behavior, for the most part.

Missing mountains

When Joe and I decided to move up to Idaho (almost) four years ago, I had no idea what I was getting into. Since the beginning of our marriage, he had wanted to move to the mountains. I was dubious. I liked living by our families and all of our friends and as much as I liked to vacation in the mountains, I didn't mind leaving when our trip was over.
But the opportunity presented itself and we took it. I was so lonely at first. It was the first time I didn't know *anyone* except for Joe. And I had a 4,3 and 1 year old. But they got easier and I made some friends and honestly, I got used to solitude. It wasn't perfect, but it was a good life.
When we had the chance to move back here, at first it seemed like a no-brainer. I mean, I didn't ever ask for that life in the first place- I had been content here. After an initial feeling of relief that now life would go back to "normal", I realized I didn't really want to leave. Being there changed me.

Early in our marriage, when Joe wanted to move, I always thought that if we lived in the mountains that I would begin to take the beauty for granted. Lose some of the awe that a Kansas girl has when she sees the mountains approaching. But I lived there for two years and three months and I only fell more in love with it and only grew in awe of the beauty that was there.
There was just so much to discover. We drove by the road to Darby Canyon for about a year before we ever went down it. And it was so breathtaking. It was there all along, just waiting for us to see. Even places we went to often never got old- the landscape changed with the weather, with the season. Streams that were roaring in June were bubbling in August. Green buds in April were red and orange and yellow leaves in September.
There are many blessings here- friends, family, spring in Kansas, swimming on a hot July day, easy access to prenatal care. But I still feel homesick for the mountains. Often. When I lived there, it was easy to call up a sister or friend and it was like I was sitting in her living room, having a cup of coffee. But when we left there, I couldn't take the feeling I have sitting by a river after a hike, sunlight filtering through pine trees, back with me.
Having been back for 18 months, I feel like life is mostly "normal" now. But I also feel like I changed in a way that I can't take back and I will always be a mountain girl, no matter where I live. It's it my bones now. I can only hope that I get to be back there someday.

The baby must like coffee

... since I can feel him kicking around in there as I drink a cup :)
Trying to decide what I want to do for school next year, curriculum-wise. We are doing more of a Charlotte Mason approach this year- taking some great ideas from Elizabeth Foss' Serendipity website, particularly the Alphabet Path. This was working great until I got pregnant and tired and it has been much harder since then. I have guilt for this. I start to compare myself to "other" homeschooling moms- big families which means being pregnant a lot, they craft, bake, keep seemingly perfect homes, plan creative, enriching lessons. How do they do it? Better time management? How are they not exhausted?
I don't even get the really bad morning sickness and I still feel like curling up in bed for the first trimester. I mean, I don't do it, but I really want to. Maybe I am just whinier than other people? Slightly overdramatic? Not very good at offering up and sacrificing? At any rate, we kept up on the basics, learning-wise, in January and February but there were no fun trips to Exploration Place or winter nature walks. Oh well. There is a season for everything, right?
The first trimester was good for one thing- it forced me to be realistic about my limitations next year. I don't suppose it'll be too much easier with a newborn (well, maybe, but that is hard to predict). So I think I am going to go a more structured approach next year. Thinking about Mother of Divine Grace since we have used that before. And then I will add in things as I feel able.
It is hard to let go of some of my idealized, better-in-my-head-than-in-practice plans for right now.

Birth

I have been giving some thought to how this new little one will be born. The stories of how my other children have been born are quite varied. A planned cesarean that I was scared of but ok with. A last minute planned cesarean that I was less ok with. A long, induced three weeks early, ultimately medicated, VBA2C. Home waterbirth.

And I wonder- how is this one supposed to go? If the baby ends up having an antigen, which statistically, it seems likely that he will, I will be birthing in the hospital again. And also, given the antigen, it is also likely that he (um, or she) might need to come out early. I chose to skip the induction and schedule a cesarean with Isaac because I wasn't comfortable with the risks of inducing a VBAC. With Liam, I choose to mitigate some of those risks by being induced without chemicals- just manual dilation with a foley catheter and nipple stimulation.

Holding Issy for the first time

With this one- who knows? If the baby is looking anemic (according to a test that isn't particularly accurate after 35 weeks, which is problematic), it'll be an early out. We discussed doing an amnio for lung maturity if we were in the situation that it looked like the baby might need to be born late preterm. He said that was possible- if the baby's lungs weren't mature, we might wait, weighing the risks of breathing issues on the outside versus blood issues on the inside.

Oddly, I am feeling very unattached to method of birth. As I said in my previous post, it seems too much to ask that the baby would have neither antigen and I would get to have another peaceful birth at home. And any scenario where the baby has an antigen would likely mean getting the baby out early, either because it was sick or because we were trying to prevent it from becoming sick.

Holding Isaac for the first time

Induction and repeat cesarean both have pros and cons. Induction pros- baby gets to experience labor, which is good for the lungs, which would definitely be a plus to a baby who was being evicted early. Easier recovery for me- dealing with the pain before the birth instead of after. Cons- higher risk of uterine rupture, failed induction necessitating a cesarean anyways.
Cesarean pros- quick(ish). Know what to expect. Lower risk of uterine rupture. Cons- c-section babies have a higher incidence of respiratory distress even in healthy infants; longer and more painful recovery for me.

Those are the practical considerations.

Holding Liam for the first time

But birth is about more than just practical considerations, for me, at least. I believe that birth has the power to be a transformative experience. I used to think that the transformative aspect was best achieved through natural childbirth. Then, when Adelle was born under the most ideal circumstances I could have imagined possible, I realized the transformation wasn't in the natural birth. Yes, it was a lovely birth and I wish that all of my births could have been/ would be that easy and peaceful. But the transformation was happening all along- with my c-sections, with my really long induction. It happens with every birth, if I am open to it.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared or that I didn't have preferences. But no matter how Poppy ends up getting here- it will be our journey. I'll surround myself with supportive people and make the best decisions possible for us.

Holding Adelle for the first time

Hello, baby.

Consultation with the perinatologist today. Overall, it went well. Got to see little Poppy, all black and white and shadowy. Reassuring, nonetheless. There is only one little person in there, thank goodness. Measuring a little bit big because that is how I grow 'em. (except for Delle. She is just my little peanut).

We talked about the what-ifs and the various scenarios. We are going to do the amnio in a couple of weeks to find out if Poppy has Kell, little c, both, neither. Although I feel like neither is too much to ask for at this point. There was also a little bright spot on the baby's heart that *can* be a marker for Down's so we decided to go ahead and do the chromosomal testing since they are going to be taking my amniotic fluid anyways. The dr. didn't seem alarmed and said that it is seen in normal babies without problems a portion of the time too. They can also take a closer look at it in a couple of months when the baby has a bigger heart.

Stupid anterior placenta. This means the doctor will have to go through the placenta to do the amnio, which has the chance of increasing sensitization if the baby has one/both of the antigens. Bleh. And babies like to face their placenta, or so I've read, which means a higher chance of a posterior baby. BTDT and no. thank. you. Oh, and that also means there is the possibility of it overlaying the cesarean scar and causing problems with detachment, although that isn't a given.

First impressions, I liked the doctor. He answered my gazillion questions, didn't talk down to me, and asked me several times if I had any more questions or anything else I wanted to discuss. Oh, and he didn't try to argue with me about due date, so that is an automatic pro ;)

We discussed care scenarios- monitoring, in utero transfusions, early delivery if necessary. All the sucky but necessary things to think about. I am kind of hoping for the best, but planning for the worst. I don't like to be blind-sided by things so I don't mind going through the various scenarios in my mind.

Honestly (and weirdly), I am feeling very at peace with the whole thing. We'll just take it one day at a time do what we need to do.

Thank you, Spring.

I am not a winter person. I had this (what should have been a somewhat obvious) revelation last week. Joe pointed out that I was happier and more productive on the nice, springy days we have been having. And looking back, yes, he is correct.

I love Spring. I love fresh air. I love being able to open the windows and feel the breeze blow through the house while I make it beautiful and clean. I love being able to take the kids places without having to bundle them up. Cool Spring evenings bring back memories of falling in Love with a young man who I realized would make a really awesome husband and father and who, for reasons that are sometimes beyond me, thought that I was pretty great, too.

Then comes summer. Summer is ok. Not as bad as winter, but it gets oppressively hot and humid here and it makes me not want to leave the house unless we are destined for some sort of body of water. Which makes my children happy. This will be the third summer in my life in which I will be largely pregnant and that is.... good times. Membership to the YMCA= lots of time at the pool this summer. Although I am not sure what swimsuit will fit over an 8 month pregnant belly?

Fall is pretty lovely though. Especially now that we have trees. Reprieve from the oppressive heat. Mild days where my babies can play outside before the long cold of winter. Piles of colorful leaves, nature walks, leaving acorns for our backyard squirrels to gather.

Winter. Oh, winter. I suppose without winter I would not appreciate spring as much, but man. I try to steel myself against it every year and yet every year, it gets me. January. And February. I think maybe I was meant to hibernate. Oddly, even though winter was really long in Idaho, I didn't mind it as much. At least the snow was pretty and I could go skiing. And the kids liked to play in the snow. It would have been perfect if the snow had finished melting by mid- March instead of the end of April :P

But here I am for now. So I will try to figure out a way to make this work. And I will be grateful for Spring.

It's a picture!

14wks 5d

Also: Adelle slept in her crib, straight through from 7:30 last night until 6:15 this morning. Miracle of miracles.

Not quite ready to break out the choir yet...

...but pretty close. A couple of posts down I mentioned Adelle was having some sleeping issues. She was sleeping pretty well through the summer and then Sept-Dec she got about a bazillion teeth at once and that went down the drain. She was waking up every 1 and a half to three hours and when I got pregnant, that just wasn't working anymore. Her teething was nearing an end, so we decided to nightwean her. This proved more difficult than I had anticipated. She was still waking up every 1 and a half to 3 hours, but now she wouldn't just nurse and go back to sleep.

So she began sleeping with us. And as I have mentioned before, I have a fickle relationship with co-sleeping I like the thought of it, but in reality, I am a pretty light sleeper and have a hard time falling back sleep. Her last two eye teeth came through a couple of weeks ago so we decided it was time to try something different. Up to this point, Issy had been sleeping in a twin, the boys in a queen and Adelle was starting out in the crib and then coming into our bed. So we bought another twin, the boys have their own beds now. We moved the queen into the girl's room. Adelle starts out in the crib and then moves to the queen with Issy. We figured either she would like sleeping with Issy or Joe and I could take turns sleeping on the queen with her.

She likes sleeping with Issy!

Last night was Night Four and so far, so good! Issy said she asked for her cup a couple of times but that they both went back to sleep quickly. And Issy loves sharing a bed with her- she keeps asking me if Adelle can start out in her bed. The three mornings prior she had woken up for a 5ish o'clock nursing, but this morning, it is almost seven and not a peep :) (Now, I, on the other hand, woke up at at five anticipating her and couldn't fall back asleep. Pavlov's dogs and all that :P)

So yes, I hope that we keep having continued success with this. This makes me feel much less anxious about having another baby. This is probably more information than you needed to know about our sleeping habits, but I am was too excited not to share :D

Happy birthday to my sweet little girl

8 years. Where has 8 years gone? When did she get to be such a big girl?

Thanks for the relatively easy introduction to motherhood, Sweet Pea.

It's a boy....

Well, maybe not. But I think it is.

We were thinking about waiting to find out. If the baby was Kell negative and I didn't have to have a gazillion ultrasounds, we were going to wait until he or she was born. Now I guess we will need the baby to be Kell *and* little C negative in order to have a low-risk pregnancy, so it seems less likely. I just don't think I could have weekly US and not find out.

But I am telling you now-it is a boy. I have "popped" even though I really haven't gained weight, no acne. I suppose we will see :)

Wow. Life is a wild ride.

Recent pic of Adelle- I was playing with Joe's camera

I am having a hard time starting this. Life has taken a very unexpected turn in the last couple of months. The holidays were good- for Christmas, we hosted Joe's family one day and my family the next. We spent NYE together as a family- went out to eat, had Family Movie Night and tucked the littles in bed well before midnight.

I made a rather ambitious plan at the beginning of January to get a bunch of my AAMI assignments done before the end of February. Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans...

On the 7th, I found out I was pregnant with our fifth baby. Wow. Five. I spent most of January and February feeling rather nauseated and exhausted (that first trimester fatigue is powerful stuff- I had remembered it intellectually, but it was even more compelling than I remembered) and trying to integrate the idea of another baby. I am sure it'll all work out, but most days I am not sure how.

The kids are extremely excited about the baby, whose womb name is "Poppy". I had my first doctor's appointment last week. Heartbeat in the 160s, my fundus is where it belongs. Weirdly, I have thought I felt the baby move a couple or three times in the last week, but it would be pretty early (I am twelve weeks).

Unfortunately, I got my bloodwork back yesterday and it appears that now we are not only dealing anti-kell but also anti- little c. I am still in the "self-pity, why me?" stage, so you'll have to excuse me. Why? Why do other women get to have low-risk, get pregnant, pop-em-out pregnancies and mine are such ordeals? Why doesn't my body like my husband's babies? It is just frustrating. I am sure there is some life lesson in here about learning to trust, surrender and blah blah blah. I am not there yet. I am still holding out for a false positive for the anti-little c. I go to the perinatologist on the 28th, so we'll see. Sigh.

Other than those life changing events, life is okay ;) Now that first- trimester haze is waning, we are getting back into more exciting school things (we were strictly reading, writing, arithmetic for a few weeks there- just the basics). Issy and Isaac are doing great- Issy is reading like a little maniac and I can hardly keep up with her! Isaac, too.

Liam has been, erm, challenging at times. Issy and Isaac went through a stage at around 4 1/2 too, so it wasn't entirely unexpected, but given his personality, his manifests a little different. Rage, specifically. Which I find a little hard to deal with at times. There are things that help, but I am hoping the whole thing just passes soon. He is such a sweet, enthusiastic little boy when he isn't being so defiant.

Oh, Adelle. She is amazing. She talks so much, I love it. She says, "Mama, I wud joo" when I put her to bed at night. She is also completely exhausting. We have been going through some sleep issues with her lately and it is driving me crazy. I despair that it won't get better before Poppy arrives, though I am sure it will.

So mostly the word that defines life now is "overwhelming". Sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a bad way, sometimes in a neutral way. At least life is never dull, right?

Beauty

We've missed snow. It turns winter browns into beautiful, cool white. My children don't particularly like to play outside when it is cold and blustery and not snowing. Throw in a little snow and ta- da! They actually want to get outside, roll around. Sure it is messy, cold and a pain to drive in. But yes, snow gets a thumbs up in my book. (except for snow past mid- March. If you didn't get it in during winter, Mother Nature, it's too late.)