She is so beautiful

It's May already?

I was nursing the baby girl this morning and I realized she is coming up on being 11 months old pretty soon (in 9 days). Wow! This time last year, we were settling into our Victor house, I was nesting something fierce, Adelle was growing quietly in the womb. Who knew how life would change in the last year?

I am really enjoying my midwifery studies. Right now I am in the organizational stage of it- setting up notebooks of resources, taking an inventory of what I have, deciding what I want to accumulate. I used to be an organized person once upon a time. And then I got married and had babies and organizing got put on the back burner. The waaaaaay back burner. The back burner on the grill on the deck. So it has been nice to get my feet wet in organizing again. Having a piece of life that is in order that only I have control over.

Alas, I was going to type more, but the troops are in need of breakfast. Mmmmm, maybe some pancakes today.

Boy vs. Bench

We were playing at the park a couple of weekends ago and Liam had a run in with a big pokey screw on the back of a bench. This required an ER trip and stitches, but he was a big, brave boy. It is almost entirely healed now and I think the scarring will be minimal. Joe and I were joking how surprising it was that we haven't had any ER trips earlier in our parenting career!

April is Cesarean Awareness Month

If you are a woman- if you have given birth, if you haven't given birth yet but will likely in the future, if you know someone who will give birth, please read this. It is really important.

General disclaimer: Cesarean sections can be lifesaving for mothers and for babies. I am so grateful that is safe for the mothers and babies that need it.

My concern: In 2008, the national cesarean section rate was 32.3%
This graph has a breakdown of primary (first) cesareans, total cesareans and the vbac rate from 1983-2006.

The World Health Organization has found that a cesarean rate above 10-15% causes more harm than good. Between 5-10% seems to optimize outcomes. Midwives have been able to pretty consistently achieve a cesarean rate at 5% or below with as good or better outcomes: The British Medical Journal CPM 2000 study had a 3.7% cesarean rate and The Farm midwives made their statistics available in 2000. They have a 1.4% cesarean rate. If you click through to those links, you will be able to read more, but this is with similar mortality rates and much lower morbidity rates.

This means that many, many women are undergoing major surgery unnecessarily. With all the risks that go with it- immediate risks and those that impact future pregnancies. From Childbirth Connection:

Cesarean section is a major surgical procedure that increases the likelihood of many types of harm for mothers and babies in comparison with vaginal birth. Short-term harms for mothers include increased risk of infection, surgical injury, blood clots, emergency hysterectomy, intense and longer-lasting pain, going back into the hospital and poor overall functioning. Babies born by cesarean section are more likely to have surgical cuts, breathing problems, difficulty getting breastfeeding going, and asthma in childhood and beyond. Perhaps due to the common surgical side effect of "adhesion" formation, cesarean mothers are more likely to have ongoing pelvic pain, to experience bowel blockage, to be injured during future surgery, and to have future infertility. Of special concern after cesarean are various serious conditions for mothers and babies that are more likely in future pregnancies, including ectopic pregnancy, placenta previa, placenta accreta, placental abruption, and uterine rupture (Childbirth Connection 2006).

So what can you do to avoid having an unnecessary cesarean?

• Be a good consumer. Found out your care provider's cesarean rate. Count on being the rule and not the exception.
• Read up on modern birth practices. Most procedures and protocols in the hospital are *not* evidence- based medicine.
• If you have already had a cesarean, consider vbac. Go to ICAN to find out more.
• If you are a low-risk woman, get a midwife. In general, midwives have as good or better outcomes than doctors. Birth is a normal, biological function and not a disease- go to an expert in normal birth, not a surgeon. Visit the Midwives Alliance of North America, the North American Registry of Midwives or the American College of Nurse-Midwives.

Homeschooling next year... gathering ideas

I was feeling inspired by the fresh spring air and new beginnings yesterday, so I was looking around the internet, hoping for some good ideas for our school this upcoming year. And some things that we can do over the summer, too.

My children are such good little learners, they are pretty agreeable to whatever I have come up with to work on. My first year, we used Mother of Divine Grace which was a good start, but I found it a little dry to teach.

This year, I have done a more eclectic approach-
Math U See
Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons
a little science experiment book (the name escapes me currently)
The Usborne Complete Book of Art Ideas
a book of ideas for the different liturgical seasons and feast days (which name also escapes me right now. I can picture the front of the book, but not the title).

When I first started to think about homeschooling, a friend lent me the book Real Learning by Elizabeth Foss. At the time, Issy was 5, Isaac was 3 1/2 and Liam was 2 (and quite a handful) and I just needed things spelled out for me. Hence, MODG. But I am revisiting some Real Learning ideas (basically, an education built on living books) and since I don't feel so much in crisis mode of parenting right now, I think it is something I would like to take on. I have been visiting Mrs. Foss' Serendipity blog and am looking at doing the Alphabet Path with the kiddos. Sticking with Math U See, since they have already started on it and they like it a lot. She also has a ton (an overwhelming amount!!) of ideas for feast days and such. So many resources, it is so hard to choose for an indecisive person like me!

I have to admit that I am feeling a little down about not homeschooling in Idaho. I was really looking forward to doing our nature study along hiking trails in the forest. Kansas is beautiful in it's own way, but it is just really hard to compare with the awesomeness that is Yellowstone. Hopefully, someday in Colorado, though.

Running

Yesterday evening, the weather was gorgeous. Warm, sunny, not too windy (for Kansas, at least). Just perfect for a nice jog outside.

I told Joe I wanted to go after dinner. He looked at me like I was slightly crazy but agreed to hang out with the kiddos. I putting on my running shoes, walked out of my neighborhood for a warmup and then took off.

I ran (HA!) into a problem pretty quickly. I wanted to run on the country road semi-close to my house. Because there is no frontage road that cuts all the way through, to get to it I would have to run 1/4? 1/3? of a mile in the ditch of the highway. Uneven ground. Trash. Very conspicuous.

Not very far into it, I remembered why I don't run. I find that it is one of those better-in-theory-than-in-practice kind of things for me. It makes my lungs burn. It makes my cesarean scar ache something fierce. I should say that once I got to 215th street, it was much better. I walked/jogged alongside a field of little green shoots of wheat and got appreciate the sun setting in the big sky.

Perhaps I would enjoy it more if I did it more often? I wouldn't be out of shape and the unpleasantness wouldn't be so unpleasant? All those good endorphins?

Or perhaps I will stick to walking briskly. And reading people's blogs about running. Like my friend Barefoot Angie Bee I will just live vicariously through her and my other running friends :)

The Cousin Files

Last week, Issy's cousins Teresa and Annika came to spend the night. Lots of girl fun!

Impromptu group hug. I didn't pose this :)

Annika found a dress up shoe that she really liked (the dog chewed up the other one when she was a puppy). She wore it and carried it around. I walked into the room and she had put on the pillow because it was Cinderella's shoe. Cutie.

Issy's Scrapbook (or, A Mother's Lesson in Not Being a Control Freak)

Issy's Grammie and Grandpa gave her a scrapbook for her birthday. A Hello Kitty scrapbook, complete with book, cool paper, borders, scissors, sticker, glue, ribbon, sparkly pen and even a glitter pen. Pretty awesome. She got to pick it out, so she knew that she was going to get it and every time we would talk about her birthday she would mention her scrapbook that they were giving her.

Of course, she wanted to start on it pretty much right away. And because she has two brothers and a sister that would loooove to get into her stuff, I managed to hold her off until the time was convenient.

And so she started. And I have to tell you, I am not a control freak, but I have a really hard time with my children doing artsy things in a way that you wouldn't conventionally do them. Things are supposed to be neat. And symmetrical, or at least tidily asymmetrical. I have a thing about symmetry, actually. Always have. As a child, I would pull out the tooth on the opposite side of my mouth so that it would be symmetrical. But I digress....

Where was I? Right, symmetry. Anyways, I have enough self-awareness to know this about myself and instead of just taking over the scrapbook and doing it the "right" way, I let her go to it. I made a suggestion here and there, since she has never done it before, but she did it by herself.

And it is beautiful.

Sometimes my way isn't the best way, I guess

7!

7 years (and about a week, cause I am a little late) ago, our first child, a daughter, was born. She is a beautiful, wonderful, stubborn, snuggly, creative little girl. I love her to the moon and back a gazillion times and that isn't overstating it. What a fantastic introduction to motherhood!

The cake her Grammie made her- Chocolate with Cherry icing.

She got some socks for her birthday. She realized that they were similar to a pair I had and she wanted us to wear them together.

Her birthday gift from us- an Easter dress and shoes.

Back and forth...

I have a whole post devoted to my sweet Issy's 7th (7th!!) birthday when I get around to uploading the pictures, but until then...

Life has been very up and down, back and forth, high and low. Some days I feel like I am getting the hang of this life thing- like I am finally figuring out how to balance running a household, homeschooling the kids, doing my studies.

Other days, not so much. And it is on those days when I am feeling so overwhelmed- when I can see the laundry starting to accumulate, when I can see the dishes that I feel like I just did need doing again, when the kids are begging for a project, when my books call to me from my desk- it is on those days that I just want to crawl back into bed and hope for a better day tomorrow. Of course, that isn't really an option, but that seems preferable to forcing myself to do what I need to do all the while feeling like I have weights on my arms and legs and spirit.

I like the good days.

I am trying to decide what the difference is. What makes a good day good? How can I change my heart, my attitude on the bad days to make them better?

Here is hoping for a week of good days!

New adventure!

Here it is, friends. My desk. Complete with binders, frame with inspirational quote, basket of pens, highlighters, posty notes and books about birth. Oh, and the Jack-in-the-Box that the kids like to drive me crazy with so I confiscated it so I could study in peace for a bit.
This is where the learning happens. For those of you who don't know, I just started midwifery school last month after going back and forth about when I should start it for the last couple of years. I took the leap and have enthusiastically started my studies. In my former schooling career, what seems like a gazillion years ago, I was quite the procrastinator. I have been known to put off writing 15 page papers until the day before. No longer. I have decided I am not going to be a procrastinator. And since the subject interests me, I think I can do it.

But I am scared. And overwhelmed. And excited. And about 30 different other emotions.

I just want women to have options. I want them to have the opportunity to give birth in the safety and privacy of their home if they choose. To feel safe and supported and to have their space observed. Eh, I could ramble on and on, but instead, I want to share a quote that I resonates with me:

“Unfortunately, the role of obstetrics has never been to help women give birth. There is a big difference between the medical discipline we call “obstetrics” and something completely different, the art of midwifery. If we want to find safe alternatives to obstetrics, we must rediscover midwifery. To rediscover midwifery is the same as giving back childbirth to women. And imagine the future if surgical teams were at the service of the midwives and the women instead of controlling them.”

-Michael Odent, MD

I finally figured it out!

After several bread baking failed attempts over the last 3 years, I finally figured it out! And the results are delicious. I had been overheating my yeast, apparently. Joe had gotten me a stand mixer for Christmas, so I just throw the ingredients in, it does the kneading, I let it rise and viola! tasty, homemade bread.

... and girls.

So back in October of 2007 I taught Issy to knit. And she has been working on the same thing for 2 years. But she is young and her attention span is relatively short, so it is cool. Well, I told her recently that if she knit a row a day she might just finish that purse someday soon. So she has been getting it out more frequently and doing a row here and there. She may just finish!

We played dollies together one Saturday afternoon. She groomed Kit's hair.

Boys

I can't really remember what he was doing here. I was making dinner and it had something to do with the setting sun. He is such a silly boy.

Finally spent the gift cards that Grandpa got them for Christmas.

Boys and Legos. See how Liam is concentrating? Wait...

Sweet slingling

I have tried a few different baby carriers in my parenting career. I have had ones that I didn't like at all and ones that I have loved and have been used a ton. Different ones for different uses- my stretchy wrap for newborn and little baby cuddling, my mei tai for hiking. Well, Adelle is a mover and a shaker, so I needed something that was good for easy in and out. I was at a friend's house and she had a Slingling pouch on her chair and I asked if I could try it out. LOVE! Quick to put on. Easy for in and out.

So I bought one and it is so beautiful:

My little one snuggling with her dolly in our sling.

Gah! No more!

If breastfeeding icks you out or simply doesn't interest you, skip this post.

(And general disclaimer: My following feelings about breastfeeding are just that- my feelings. Your mileage may vary.)

Breastfeeding has been an important part of my mothering. It has been more than food delivery system- it is snuggling, it is bonding, it is physical sacrifice to further share my body after pregnancy is over. It is about a gazillion other things that are hard to articulate. Simply put, it helps me to be a more attentive, loving mother.

Oh, I mean, there are downsides. Issy and I had quite a rough start and I was quite sore on and off the first two and a half months. But we got through it and at some point I remember looking at her adoringly while I was nursing and thinking, "These are all those warm fuzzies that people talk about when they talk about nursing." Ahh, gotta love those good hormones. It was tough nursing Isaac through PPD, but I am so glad I did. It gave us a connection when that bond seemed tenuous. There were times in Liam's second year of life when the demands of breastfeeding seemed to outweigh the benefits, but then we got past the hump and it really eased his transition through moving and becoming a big brother and moving again.

Then this February happened. Apparently February of 2010 was destined to be one of those "valleys" in my breastfeeding journey with Adelle. I am sitting here with my fourth plugged duct since the beginning of the month. Two of which got infected, one of which required antibiotics. I am feeling very frustrated. It is really painful and time consuming.

I just don't know what I am doing wrong. Because while I have dealt with plugged ducts a few times between my other children and mastitis one other time, it has never been like this. I think it started because she had an ear infection and she wasn't nursing well on the one side. But then she was nursing fine the next week and it returned. And then the week after that I got one on the other side. And today I woke up and it was on the first side again and it is getting ridiculous.

The variables, oh the variables. I got my first one when her ear hurt. She is also teething? Does her ear still hurt? She just started solids, is her tummy bothering her? Is my bra ill fitting?

GAH!

This is just a valley. We will get through it and I will be looking at her adoringly and kissing her fuzzy head while she nurses and will be thankful that we persevered.

Right?

Justed wanted to share....

This was taken in August of 2008.

From the archives: Isaac

The husband's new blog

For those who were fans of my hubby's blog (that he was somewhat sporadic about) head on over to his new blog! He promises it'll be worth your while :)

Joe's Photo Journal

From the archives: Issy

Hats and pants and messed up soakers, oh my!

A hat knit for Isaac in December. Clementine ate his hat last year. Simple and handsome.

I actually knit two identical ones for my friend and my sister-in-law who had baby girls in October and January, respectively. Some handsome little longies knit up for a friend who just had a baby last month. Some Manos I bought at the yarn store in Jackson when we first moved a couple years ago. The yarn is so beautiful!

Stupid soaker, lol. I knit it in August, in one day working at the yarn store. Took me forever to do one cuff. Forever and a day to do the second cuff. Right after I finished the second cuff, I realized that I did it in the wrong needle size (about 4 sizes too big, to be precise) and I just haven't ripped it out and did it all over again. Seriously, it would take me about 45 minutes tops. Sometimes my ridiculousness about things astounds even me.

Lent

I like sleep. A lot. When I was in high school and early college, I used to sleep as much as humanly possible while still being a productive person. Too bad you can't save sleeping points, because I would have been set well into my thirties.

You say, "But wait, Erin, your blog title is Lent. Why are you talking about sleep?"

I still love my sleep. I don't remember the last time I slept through the night on a consistent basis. When Issy was an infant? At any rate, a long time ago. Because I still get up with Adelle 2-4 times a night, I usually roll out of bed about the time that Joe is going to work.

So my Lenten resolution is to get out of bed early and spend a half an hour on prayer and reflection before starting my day. It is going... interestingly? I am hoping that this will help me to work on spiritual and physical self-discipline.

So there, I said it. Ask me how it is going in a week or two.

Edited to Add: It was brought to my attention that perhaps this post might be kind of like what Jesus was talking about not doing in the Gospel on Wednesday Not my intention. I am only putting this out here because frankly, I am lazy. And I need accountability. I figured if I wrote it down, I would be more likely to follow through instead of rolling over in bed when my alarm goes off.

Some knitting

Mr. Bear. Made him for as a baby shower gift for a friend who is having a boy in March/ April. My first knitted toy!!

Swiffer cover. I haven't actually used it yet, but i am nerdily excited about this. Now I won't have to pay out the nose for the disposable ones!

Beautiful daughters

Thank you all for your words of encouragement regarding my last post. It really does help :) Now some pics of my cuties.

She lost her first top tooth. What a big girl!

Oh, my sweet Adelle. She is really so wonderful and brings so much joy to the family.

She finally sits at almost 8 months old! She was so busy learning to crawl and pull herself up that she couldn't be bothered with sitting in one place until now. And she still doesn't stay long before she is off on her next adventure.

Evidently, I need to take some more pictures of my boys. Noted.

Ok, I am putting this out here. No overthinking- just writing.

Life is weird. Just weird, sometimes in a bad way and sometimes in a just different way. I am having a harder time adjusting to this move than I had anticipated. I miss Idaho/the mountains more than I had imagined I would.

I miss the mountains (and clear water, solitude, my old house- the list goes on ...) I feel guilt for missing the mountains because I feel like being here should just be enough. Lather, rinse, repeat. Let me break that down for you:

I feel bad--> I feel like I should feel differently--> I feel bad for feeling bad.

And the problem is, I am not sure what to do with myself. This doesn't feel like "home" anymore. Perhaps it is just the adjustment period. Maybe it'll get easier when spring comes. Maybe not. Do I want it to? If things get easier, will I get complacent?

Here is The Positive. The children are beautiful. They are smart, they are kind (um, most of the time), creative, their smiles brighten my days. They love being by their aunts and uncles, cousins, friends. I love that for them. I love being by them too. I have the opportunity to start my midwifery education. Joe's job is better.

Allllright. Thanks for listening to my "vent". Feels better to get it out :)