Even pirates need a nap sometimes....

He usually doesn't take a nap, but apparently me reading Ralph S. Mouse was sleep- inducing

The Power of Music

I was in the car the other evening, my CD player clicked to change CDs and I heard this song (just click play and listen, you don't have to watch the video):



And all of a sudden, it was May of 2000 again. When Joe and I first started dating we listened to Enya's Watermark a ton. Whenever I hear it it makes me think of a simpler time- before college, before my Mom got sick. Just two silly kids on the edge of adulthood, dreaming dreams and making plans. We'd talk about getting married and having babies. Here we are now-and that song still makes me remember the feeling of being 18 and newly in love.

It's amazing, isn't it? How music can just transport you back to a time? That isn't the only song. The song Boys by Jars of Clay makes me think of right after Adelle was born, driving the kids to the park, mountains on three sides and the smell of pine on the air, that kind of vulnerable feeling that comes with venturing out right after you have added another child to your family.

And there are many others. What about you? Any special songs or albums that make you think of a certain day or time period in your life- good or bad?

We bake bread. And learn. And look cute.

The kiddos watching the yeast foam up in the warm water. I didn't pose this, they just find yeast very interesting.

And here is the fruits of our (my) labor.

We like to share. Issy was giving some to Adelle here.

Liam really likes "doing school" like the big kids. I got him a couple of little workbooks at the dollar store. He is tracing letters here- he has a pretty steady hand already!

The big kids building with the Math U See manipulatives . I had been very by the book, only letting them use them at math time, but I figured that building with them (knowing that it takes a 9 block and a 1 block to fit on a 10 block) would be a fun learning activity.

Watching Liam trace his letters, so serious:

But not really :)

It's birthday time!

...but not for the humans- for Marmot and Raccoon, Bunny and Puppy, Ruthie and Kit. Issy told me the other day that it was Kit and Ruthie's birthday, made up a party invitation and asked if we could make a treat for them. Of course, the boys decided their toys needed a birthday party, too.

Watching the cupcakes bake:

Isaac wanted blue frosting

Liam wanted green

Cupcakes all decorated and ready to eat. Happy birthday, Toys!

For those interested, I made the Joy of Baking Vanilla Cupcake recipe and it was delicious! I made a half recipe of the frosting and it was just the right amount for 12 cupcakes.

One Small Change

Friends and siblings have been blogging about their gardening efforts lately and I have been inspired to make some positive changes around here. It isn't really practical to garden given our circumstances right now, but I came across the One Small Change blog and decided to try it.

I like the idea of recycling, but have felt really daunted by the prospect, so I am going to try to take it one step at a time. This month, I am going to start recycling glass and then in subsequent months add other things (paper, etc.)

If you would like to participate, too, just click the button on the left column of my blog and it will take you to the site.

Ahhh, parenting

A recent discussion caused me to revisit a couple of my old posts:
A random post
Expanding on yesterday's post

It prompted further reflection on my parenting as of late, what is working, what isn't. This is a good thing. I think sometimes it is easy to get stuck in what was working, even though the kids have taken it to the next level. And boy, do they sometimes take it to the next level :p

I was recalling the book I mentioned in those posts (How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk) and thinking about how I would like to reread it and try to put into practice some of the techniques that were a little mature for Issy and Isaac (who were 5 and 3) at the time. Liam was only 1 at the time, so most of it wasn't really applicable to him. It is funny, I have tried to use some of the techniques with him that were most successful with Issy and Isaac (like saying, "you are feeling frustrated that we have to leave the park and you wanted to stay" while he is throwing a big, screaming fit) and they have fallen flat most of the time. Which reminds me (again! I should remember this!) that Liam is not Issy and he is not Isaac and therefore discipline strategies (or learning strategies or ways of loving him) must be tailored to fit Liam.

Every mother with more than one child (or even one that has been around another child than her own) knows that they all have their own personality. Even babies. But most parenting books tout their way as "The Way" to get your child to sleep, behave, grow up to be a productive citizen. It is an alluring promise isn't it? If you do X your child will do Y. But as most mothers also know, it is rarely as simple in reality as it is in a parenting book. Or you learn, like I did, that what might work with one child may need some tweaking to suit the needs of another one.

I think is is good thing to have a parenting philosophy or find something that resonates with you. Just remember you are not a slave to your parenting philosophy. It is there to help you to deal most effectively to your children. At some point I realized I am the expert on my children. I often lamented when baby Isaac was such a poor sleeper and I had read all the baby sleep books out there, "No one has written the Book of Isaac yet!" Well, I am. My children and I are the authors of their books (really, more them than me). Every day is a new page, every day I learn something about them and try to figure them out and guide them the best way possible. Almost every day they are changing the game, making me dig deeper in myself as a mother and in a relationship with them.

I'll never forget that first night with Isabelle. I was tired but I just could not sleep- kissing her little soft head, staring at her and just feeling so full of a love I didn't know existed before her. It made me remember my mother. It made her make sense. Things that she had said or did that I thought were unfair or restrictive or old-fashioned- came from a deep love and feeling of protectiveness. I hope my children can someday come to the same understanding of me.

Lake Afton

A couple of weeks ago, in search of some nature, we went out to Lake Afton on a Sunday afternoon. Sweet baby girls:

Gathering sticks (for the fire he wanted to build that we said no to?):

Yes, Liam was not as into this time as his Papa, as the picture suggests. He was being grumpy about something, though we never did ascertain why.

Hand over the camera, Mama!

Alternate post title: Fake it till you make it.

You know that old saying: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"? Well, that would explain the absence of blogging. I am just struggling with Kansas. Oh, Kansas. How I love the people you hold and yet how you taunt me with your flatness and suburban sprawl and your lack of woods to wonder through.

She is so beautiful

It's May already?

I was nursing the baby girl this morning and I realized she is coming up on being 11 months old pretty soon (in 9 days). Wow! This time last year, we were settling into our Victor house, I was nesting something fierce, Adelle was growing quietly in the womb. Who knew how life would change in the last year?

I am really enjoying my midwifery studies. Right now I am in the organizational stage of it- setting up notebooks of resources, taking an inventory of what I have, deciding what I want to accumulate. I used to be an organized person once upon a time. And then I got married and had babies and organizing got put on the back burner. The waaaaaay back burner. The back burner on the grill on the deck. So it has been nice to get my feet wet in organizing again. Having a piece of life that is in order that only I have control over.

Alas, I was going to type more, but the troops are in need of breakfast. Mmmmm, maybe some pancakes today.

Boy vs. Bench

We were playing at the park a couple of weekends ago and Liam had a run in with a big pokey screw on the back of a bench. This required an ER trip and stitches, but he was a big, brave boy. It is almost entirely healed now and I think the scarring will be minimal. Joe and I were joking how surprising it was that we haven't had any ER trips earlier in our parenting career!

April is Cesarean Awareness Month

If you are a woman- if you have given birth, if you haven't given birth yet but will likely in the future, if you know someone who will give birth, please read this. It is really important.

General disclaimer: Cesarean sections can be lifesaving for mothers and for babies. I am so grateful that is safe for the mothers and babies that need it.

My concern: In 2008, the national cesarean section rate was 32.3%
This graph has a breakdown of primary (first) cesareans, total cesareans and the vbac rate from 1983-2006.

The World Health Organization has found that a cesarean rate above 10-15% causes more harm than good. Between 5-10% seems to optimize outcomes. Midwives have been able to pretty consistently achieve a cesarean rate at 5% or below with as good or better outcomes: The British Medical Journal CPM 2000 study had a 3.7% cesarean rate and The Farm midwives made their statistics available in 2000. They have a 1.4% cesarean rate. If you click through to those links, you will be able to read more, but this is with similar mortality rates and much lower morbidity rates.

This means that many, many women are undergoing major surgery unnecessarily. With all the risks that go with it- immediate risks and those that impact future pregnancies. From Childbirth Connection:

Cesarean section is a major surgical procedure that increases the likelihood of many types of harm for mothers and babies in comparison with vaginal birth. Short-term harms for mothers include increased risk of infection, surgical injury, blood clots, emergency hysterectomy, intense and longer-lasting pain, going back into the hospital and poor overall functioning. Babies born by cesarean section are more likely to have surgical cuts, breathing problems, difficulty getting breastfeeding going, and asthma in childhood and beyond. Perhaps due to the common surgical side effect of "adhesion" formation, cesarean mothers are more likely to have ongoing pelvic pain, to experience bowel blockage, to be injured during future surgery, and to have future infertility. Of special concern after cesarean are various serious conditions for mothers and babies that are more likely in future pregnancies, including ectopic pregnancy, placenta previa, placenta accreta, placental abruption, and uterine rupture (Childbirth Connection 2006).

So what can you do to avoid having an unnecessary cesarean?

• Be a good consumer. Found out your care provider's cesarean rate. Count on being the rule and not the exception.
• Read up on modern birth practices. Most procedures and protocols in the hospital are *not* evidence- based medicine.
• If you have already had a cesarean, consider vbac. Go to ICAN to find out more.
• If you are a low-risk woman, get a midwife. In general, midwives have as good or better outcomes than doctors. Birth is a normal, biological function and not a disease- go to an expert in normal birth, not a surgeon. Visit the Midwives Alliance of North America, the North American Registry of Midwives or the American College of Nurse-Midwives.

Homeschooling next year... gathering ideas

I was feeling inspired by the fresh spring air and new beginnings yesterday, so I was looking around the internet, hoping for some good ideas for our school this upcoming year. And some things that we can do over the summer, too.

My children are such good little learners, they are pretty agreeable to whatever I have come up with to work on. My first year, we used Mother of Divine Grace which was a good start, but I found it a little dry to teach.

This year, I have done a more eclectic approach-
Math U See
Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons
a little science experiment book (the name escapes me currently)
The Usborne Complete Book of Art Ideas
a book of ideas for the different liturgical seasons and feast days (which name also escapes me right now. I can picture the front of the book, but not the title).

When I first started to think about homeschooling, a friend lent me the book Real Learning by Elizabeth Foss. At the time, Issy was 5, Isaac was 3 1/2 and Liam was 2 (and quite a handful) and I just needed things spelled out for me. Hence, MODG. But I am revisiting some Real Learning ideas (basically, an education built on living books) and since I don't feel so much in crisis mode of parenting right now, I think it is something I would like to take on. I have been visiting Mrs. Foss' Serendipity blog and am looking at doing the Alphabet Path with the kiddos. Sticking with Math U See, since they have already started on it and they like it a lot. She also has a ton (an overwhelming amount!!) of ideas for feast days and such. So many resources, it is so hard to choose for an indecisive person like me!

I have to admit that I am feeling a little down about not homeschooling in Idaho. I was really looking forward to doing our nature study along hiking trails in the forest. Kansas is beautiful in it's own way, but it is just really hard to compare with the awesomeness that is Yellowstone. Hopefully, someday in Colorado, though.

Running

Yesterday evening, the weather was gorgeous. Warm, sunny, not too windy (for Kansas, at least). Just perfect for a nice jog outside.

I told Joe I wanted to go after dinner. He looked at me like I was slightly crazy but agreed to hang out with the kiddos. I putting on my running shoes, walked out of my neighborhood for a warmup and then took off.

I ran (HA!) into a problem pretty quickly. I wanted to run on the country road semi-close to my house. Because there is no frontage road that cuts all the way through, to get to it I would have to run 1/4? 1/3? of a mile in the ditch of the highway. Uneven ground. Trash. Very conspicuous.

Not very far into it, I remembered why I don't run. I find that it is one of those better-in-theory-than-in-practice kind of things for me. It makes my lungs burn. It makes my cesarean scar ache something fierce. I should say that once I got to 215th street, it was much better. I walked/jogged alongside a field of little green shoots of wheat and got appreciate the sun setting in the big sky.

Perhaps I would enjoy it more if I did it more often? I wouldn't be out of shape and the unpleasantness wouldn't be so unpleasant? All those good endorphins?

Or perhaps I will stick to walking briskly. And reading people's blogs about running. Like my friend Barefoot Angie Bee I will just live vicariously through her and my other running friends :)

The Cousin Files

Last week, Issy's cousins Teresa and Annika came to spend the night. Lots of girl fun!

Impromptu group hug. I didn't pose this :)

Annika found a dress up shoe that she really liked (the dog chewed up the other one when she was a puppy). She wore it and carried it around. I walked into the room and she had put on the pillow because it was Cinderella's shoe. Cutie.

Issy's Scrapbook (or, A Mother's Lesson in Not Being a Control Freak)

Issy's Grammie and Grandpa gave her a scrapbook for her birthday. A Hello Kitty scrapbook, complete with book, cool paper, borders, scissors, sticker, glue, ribbon, sparkly pen and even a glitter pen. Pretty awesome. She got to pick it out, so she knew that she was going to get it and every time we would talk about her birthday she would mention her scrapbook that they were giving her.

Of course, she wanted to start on it pretty much right away. And because she has two brothers and a sister that would loooove to get into her stuff, I managed to hold her off until the time was convenient.

And so she started. And I have to tell you, I am not a control freak, but I have a really hard time with my children doing artsy things in a way that you wouldn't conventionally do them. Things are supposed to be neat. And symmetrical, or at least tidily asymmetrical. I have a thing about symmetry, actually. Always have. As a child, I would pull out the tooth on the opposite side of my mouth so that it would be symmetrical. But I digress....

Where was I? Right, symmetry. Anyways, I have enough self-awareness to know this about myself and instead of just taking over the scrapbook and doing it the "right" way, I let her go to it. I made a suggestion here and there, since she has never done it before, but she did it by herself.

And it is beautiful.

Sometimes my way isn't the best way, I guess

7!

7 years (and about a week, cause I am a little late) ago, our first child, a daughter, was born. She is a beautiful, wonderful, stubborn, snuggly, creative little girl. I love her to the moon and back a gazillion times and that isn't overstating it. What a fantastic introduction to motherhood!

The cake her Grammie made her- Chocolate with Cherry icing.

She got some socks for her birthday. She realized that they were similar to a pair I had and she wanted us to wear them together.

Her birthday gift from us- an Easter dress and shoes.

Back and forth...

I have a whole post devoted to my sweet Issy's 7th (7th!!) birthday when I get around to uploading the pictures, but until then...

Life has been very up and down, back and forth, high and low. Some days I feel like I am getting the hang of this life thing- like I am finally figuring out how to balance running a household, homeschooling the kids, doing my studies.

Other days, not so much. And it is on those days when I am feeling so overwhelmed- when I can see the laundry starting to accumulate, when I can see the dishes that I feel like I just did need doing again, when the kids are begging for a project, when my books call to me from my desk- it is on those days that I just want to crawl back into bed and hope for a better day tomorrow. Of course, that isn't really an option, but that seems preferable to forcing myself to do what I need to do all the while feeling like I have weights on my arms and legs and spirit.

I like the good days.

I am trying to decide what the difference is. What makes a good day good? How can I change my heart, my attitude on the bad days to make them better?

Here is hoping for a week of good days!

New adventure!

Here it is, friends. My desk. Complete with binders, frame with inspirational quote, basket of pens, highlighters, posty notes and books about birth. Oh, and the Jack-in-the-Box that the kids like to drive me crazy with so I confiscated it so I could study in peace for a bit.
This is where the learning happens. For those of you who don't know, I just started midwifery school last month after going back and forth about when I should start it for the last couple of years. I took the leap and have enthusiastically started my studies. In my former schooling career, what seems like a gazillion years ago, I was quite the procrastinator. I have been known to put off writing 15 page papers until the day before. No longer. I have decided I am not going to be a procrastinator. And since the subject interests me, I think I can do it.

But I am scared. And overwhelmed. And excited. And about 30 different other emotions.

I just want women to have options. I want them to have the opportunity to give birth in the safety and privacy of their home if they choose. To feel safe and supported and to have their space observed. Eh, I could ramble on and on, but instead, I want to share a quote that I resonates with me:

“Unfortunately, the role of obstetrics has never been to help women give birth. There is a big difference between the medical discipline we call “obstetrics” and something completely different, the art of midwifery. If we want to find safe alternatives to obstetrics, we must rediscover midwifery. To rediscover midwifery is the same as giving back childbirth to women. And imagine the future if surgical teams were at the service of the midwives and the women instead of controlling them.”

-Michael Odent, MD

I finally figured it out!

After several bread baking failed attempts over the last 3 years, I finally figured it out! And the results are delicious. I had been overheating my yeast, apparently. Joe had gotten me a stand mixer for Christmas, so I just throw the ingredients in, it does the kneading, I let it rise and viola! tasty, homemade bread.

... and girls.

So back in October of 2007 I taught Issy to knit. And she has been working on the same thing for 2 years. But she is young and her attention span is relatively short, so it is cool. Well, I told her recently that if she knit a row a day she might just finish that purse someday soon. So she has been getting it out more frequently and doing a row here and there. She may just finish!

We played dollies together one Saturday afternoon. She groomed Kit's hair.